On the Highway to Hell
by dsha801
Summary: AU. Who would have thought that by burying a box a demon would appear? Prompt: A lonely person sells their soul to Satan to be their friend. And Satan just rolls with it until he realizes at the time of their death he genuinely likes them. Lucifer/Sam
1. The deal

**N.A. I blame Omano for this. She reblogged this prompt from 'phantomrose96': '****_Fic idea where a lonely person sells their soul to Satan t be their friend. And Satan just rolls with it until he realizes at the time of their death he genuinely likes them. Since he can't renege on the contract he takes them to Hell and puts them in a high position of power. Demos hardened by millenia of torture now have to answer to a shy, self-conscious, quiet, depressed, lonely person who has unintentionally become Satan's #1'_**

**And I had to write something. It came longer than I expected... So enjoy?**

-oooooooo-

Sam felt a little nervous as he made a hole, his nails getting dirtier with every small portion of grit he pulled out. He hadn't thought for a second that something would happen, but the little green box that held his friend's wishes was next to him and it seemed like the right thing to do; so he kept digging, ignoring the blood that poured from his fingertips in the same way he ignored the itch he felt in the back of his eyes.

Rufus started as his partner in the sessions the doctors obliged them to assist and he still couldn't understand, even if the doctors already explained him that it'd be easier for Sam to talk with someone like him, why two people who weren't sociable would end together. And like anyone would have expected, the first days they didn't talk_ at all._ Rufus just crossed his arms over his chest and muttered from time to time about how ridiculous this whole thing was. Sam didn't even noticed him those first days, he just followed blankly the indications that were instructed to him and sat on the chair in front of Rufus with his legs pressed against his chest, scratching his wrists from time to time and thinking, as he looked through the window, about how Jess would have liked to sit on that grass to read. She loved to read.

-oo-

It wasn't until the next week that they spoke, Rufus being the one who initiated it with an _"Okay, son, listen. This isn't going to end until those docs watch us interact or something."_

And until that moment Sam hadn't even cast a glance at him, so when the older man spoke to him he finally noticed Rufus, sseing the little things that he hadn't pay attention before, like the fact that Rufus didn't possesed a leg and that half of his right arm didn't seemed to be able to move.

Rufus had said that the doctors thought he had PTSD and paranoia. _(Kid, in my line of work you don't get to survive without being paranoid)_

He was gruff and had that 'take-no-shits' kind of attitude that reminded him of Bobby, and that might be why he found easy to relax in his presence and to start talking to him, because it felt familiar and also, their talks provided him the distraction he needed so he'd avoid drowning in his own thoughts, and that might be why he enjoyed their talks, though they had to be alone for one hour in one of the hospital's rooms that only had a table with two chairs and a clock on the wall. And after the hour passed they could go to their own respective rooms or to the community room.

He had learnt in the first week that Rufus didn't like to drink with others but would never refuse to drink a cold Johnnie Walker, though only the blue one because when you taste it you'll never be able to go back to drink the cheap stuff. He learnt in the fourth week that he was Jewish and in the sixth, that his last name was Turner.

Sam had learnt what being a hunter meant in the seventh; the same day Sam had told him the real reason of why he was admitted there. Sam only raised an eyebrow (it was getting easier to form facial expressions) when he told him that he was a hunter but he didn't judge because, after all, he was also in a mental facility like him.

Rufus started asking weird questions after Sam told him how everyone tended to die around him, he then realized some kind of spell every day of the next week, their last official week. When Sam asked him how he got the ingredients Rufus only shrugged and told him about how he had a lot of contacts that owe him lots of favors. Sam realized after seeing him trying every day different things that he wanted to believe that maybe Sam did had some kind of curse, so much that sometimes it hurt to think about it. But in the last day Rufus told him that it must be just bad luck because he hadn't found anything. Sam after that tried, for the first time in months, to smile at him; he then rubbed his arms as he tried to store the old the negative emotions deep inside of him, deep enough to be able to ignore them. He didn't want to think about how crestfallen he felt, because for one moment he thought that maybe it wasn't him, that maybe the fault didn't belong to him.

That was the first time Sam had seen some kind of sad expression in Rufus.

-oo-

They kept talking even after their reunions were finally over; his doctor told him that it was good to see him more open to others and then allowed Sam to finally receive visits once a week. He at first didn't knew what to think of it, his excitement to see Bobby and Ellen only lasted until he went to his room, because he didn't really remembered what had happened in their last encounter. He could only recall feeling Ellen's lips on his hair as she said goodbye and Bobby's hug in the end. Would they bring little Jo? He didn't think that it would happen, though he wished it happened because even if she wasn't his sister he still loved her like one.

Of course, his real brother died because of that so maybe it wasn't exactly a good idea to bring her. Sam wouldn't be able to blame them if they did so.

What would they ask him? What they were going to talk about? They wouldn't understand what he was going through because he didn't even understand what was happening to him; how could you even explain something that you didn't have the words for? Dean once told him that Sam was the one with 'people skills', he laughed bitterly at that thought and cried until he slept because _Dean_.

The hollow in his chest was so unbearable that that might be why when he had his tray with food on his hands he stood in the middle of the dining room and looked briefly at his usually corner where he ate alone before going to where Rufus sat, always looking at his surroundings for some sign of Ruby. She's a nymphomaniac who looks at him as if he were the most delicious food in the entire universe and it always makes him feel as if something is crawling on his back and his arm itch every time he catches her glancing at him, though, after he started to sit in the same table that Rufus used he hadn't see her, it seemed that he had some kind of aura that made Ruby go away.

-oo-

He smiled for the first time in months when he saw little Jo next to Bobby and Ellen waiting for him in the visit room. They talk about everything and nothing at the same time, Ellen's bar, Bobby's garage, little Jo's teacher. They never mentioned what had happened or why he's wearing shirts with long sleeves in the middle of summer. Sam tried for little Jo to smile more, even when it hurts and he grows more tired every time he does it, but he doesn't want to scare her or to do something that might made them decide to stop bringing her.

In his third visit he convinces Rufus to go to the visit room with him because he convinced Ellen to bring a blue label in Bobby's flask next to the brownies she bake, she's the owner of a bar and said it wasn't any trouble. Sam spend the time drawing with little Jo as he talked with Ellen while Bobby and Rufus spent most of the time discussing about some book they both had read, some people around them looked at them like they thought they'd rip their throats any time soon but Sam knew that they liked each other, they were pretty similar after all.

-oo-

A week before his death, Rufus told him about crossroads demons and how they can conceive anything you want, he showed him the little green box with all the ingredients that he'd need inside. Sam didn't know what half of the stuff were and Rufus didn't told him, he only managed to recognize Rufus' picture in it. He then tells him that he wishes his arm and leg to be back and to don't be so dependent of those pills that dull the pain of his limbs, that way he can escape this place and never come back. Sam listened carefully and after he tells him what's going to happen when his deal come due after ten years he only asks him why he would sell his soul.

"Kid, I'm a hunter. My death will be bloody and horrible, that's the rule."

"But this is Hell what we're talking about." Sam couldn't remember since when he started to follow his delusions, but Rufus' face is serious enough to make him talk with the same emotion.

"I've done a lot of crap in my life, son. I'm going to Hell one way or another." He grabbed the box between his fingers with a grin, almost fondly. "At least this way I can decide how."

"Why do you even tell me this? I'm a suicidal, you know." Sam cringed at the word and didn't talk for a moment; he just looked down while trying to ignore how his arm itches as he starts to play with the food on his plate.

"I know that you won't do it, you're smart and you already know how your family would get if you were stupid enough to try to do that again."

Sam thinks he's right, he wouldn't do that again. After some nights thinking about what happened before he got here he could remember some more things, though they were mostly flashes of Ellen's broken tone as she called the ambulance and Bobby's tears while he grabbed his wrists to stop the blood. Luckily, little Jo was staying in a friend's house that night.

Though even if he does know that he wouldn't kill himself for them, it also makes him hate them a little because now he has to live with fear, irritation, and the feeling of being broken, everyday wondering how it's possible that the emptiness in his chest can feel so heavy; and then he has to fight with the guilt that slowly engulfs him for thinking about them like that.

-oo-

Rufus died on a Tuesday because of a heart attack, it was so normal and quick that startled Sam for a moment. He never thought that he would die, or at least not like this. Everything was so normal the day it happened, the only difference was that Sam shared his dessert with him that day, thing that he had never done before but Rufus liked that flavor of pudding in particular and his fell from his tray.

Everything felt so surreal. Rufus was going to escape the next day and Sam would do the distraction. Everything was planned. He had felt so alive when Rufus had told him his idea and had included him in it. After he escaped he promised Sam that he would then see him next week close to Bobby's house to say goodbye and drink a Johnnie Walker with him. He had told him that he had waited until that moment because he knew that that weekend Sam would finally get the permission to go and visit his family. He would go to Bobby's and play with little Jo, buy some books and eat edible food before going out in the night to meet Rufus and then Sam would return Monday morning after trying what Rufus said that was the best thing he would ever taste.

-oo-

Sam stayed in his room all day, curled in a ball on his bed with his arms wrapped around his body. His doctor told him that maybe it would be a good idea to not go this weekend out; he knew that Rufus was his friend and the consequences that his death would produce on him. Sam said that he would think about it, because it was true… He didn't felt like going out, or moving for that matter. He only wanted to be in his bed and be where he couldn't be hurt or hurt others.

At eleven he remembered that Rufus hid the box for the demon's deal in the ceiling of his room, no one must have noticed or at least, not yet. But Sam knew that if someone of the staff found it, it would most likely end in a trash. It felt right to retrieve it and to hide it under his pillow.

He told the doctor on Thursday that he wanted to go out that weekend, that he wanted to leave some flowers at Rufus' grave. The doctor smiled at him and gave him the direction of the cemetery, though Sam wouldn't put flowers, he thought that Rufus would like a blue label better. He took the box with him as he left and explained to Bobby that he wanted to go alone that night to the cemetery, he seemed reluctant at first but accepted after he agree to call every half hour and that he would hunt his ass down if he turned off the cell's GPS.

And that was why he was there burying that box in the crossroad, the green little box that reminded him of Dean's eyes. He thought that maybe wherever Rufus where he'd appreciate it. He placed his picture next to the one Rufus put because he didn't want him to be alone; after all, Sam knew the emotion all too well to wish it to anybody.

He never thought that a demon would appear so when he turned and started walking towards Rufus' grave the cough of someone behind him startled him greatly. There was a very beautiful woman in a black dress standing in the center of the crossroad.

"You called?" She said smiling at him as she looked appreciatively at his body.

"Ah, uhm. Who are you?" Sam managed to speak with an audible tone, it was still hard to talk with people he didn't knew and the way she kept looking at him didn't help.

"I'm the one who will concede any wish you have." Her eyes turned black and Sam couldn't avoid the gasp that escaped him as the hair on the back of his neck rose. Her smile broadened as she walked slowly towards him and Sam found himself unable to move, he could only close his eyes when she was merely a few inches away from his face.

"Anything you want, sweetheart." She purred.

Sam felt chills run all over his body as he tried to fight whatever forces kept him in place. He tried to think in something but Rufus never told him what happened if he rejected a deal and he never asked because he didn't thought it would be real. And also, the feeling that always came when someone flirted with him didn't help him to think. He remembered for a second the week after Dean and Jess died, the day he went to that dinner close to Bobby's that his brother always talked about, hoping to feel something of him in there, but he didn't felt anything, in the same way that nothing happened when he tried to read Jess' favorite book. The only thing different was when the waitress winked at him and he had to run to the bathroom to try to stop the gags that came before one threw up, and then he had to clean the cold sweat that covered his body with little pieces of toilet paper that the restaurant' bathroom possessed.

Since then he wondered how could she not see the black fog that spread around him like a cloud that he could feel clearly surrounding him, couldn't she see how death followed every step he took. How disgusting he was?

A snap of fingers got him out of his thoughts; the demon was still in front of him, smile still on place, the amusement never left her features. And she didn't seem to be sick at being that close to him, though perhaps the demon could see him by what he really was and that was why she flirted with him… maybe he already looked as a demon in her eyes? It made sense though at the same time it sickened him.

"So what's your wish, Sammy?" Sam flinched at the nickname; he didn't even bother to ask how she knew his name. "Get the girlfriend back? Or what about your precious big brother? Mom? Maybe Dad?" She leaned until her lips almost brushed his, Sam still unable to move away. "You got a lot of blood in your hands, Sam, I can see it. I can taste it. The question is for whom you feel enough guilt?"

She licked the corner of his lips, grinning as she did so and he couldn't swallow the broken sob that escaped him anymore. "You belong to us, Sam. You can even wish for me to kill you, a one way trip to Hell. Better early than later, isn't that what they say?"

"I, uhm, I-" Sam's voice broke and the demon threw her head back and chuckled, as if Sam had done something funny. he only managed to turn his head away but soft fingers held his chin in a surprisinly strong grasp, the contrast made him open his eyes and he could see that her eyes were all business when she spoke again.

"Ask, Sam. I've more deals to do and unless you ask for us to sleep together I don't think I'd like to spend too much time here." She glanced around in distaste. "I could kill you right now and avoid all trouble."

And suddenly, Sam felt fire through him at her words, not the same kind of fire that swallowed Jess and Dean. This one didn't burn. He remembered that Rufus once told him that he didn't want to be buried; he wanted a hunter funeral (_just throw me some salt until I burn to crisp, boy_), but now his body was here against his wishes, in this cemetery and even if it wasn't what his friend would wanted, the place deserved the same respect he had for Rufus. He never pitied him or treated him as if he were something fragile; she didn't deserve to look at this place in distaste. Not when his friend's body lay here.

"I like that expression on your face, Sammy boy. Finally decided for something or you want me to just kill you?" She said against his ear.

Since she appeared he had started to feel how the fog that always was in him started to engulf him even more, and with every smile she send him his body felt heavier, and if he hadn't fell already on his knees it was just because of the invisible force that kept him upright. His wrists itched and he wanted to clean them on his jeans so the blood that he could still feel would disappear, and the stench of sulfur on his nose only managed to remind him of Jess and Dean, and maybe mom too… Perhaps it was true that he deserved to be in Hell, to live in constant agony so he could redeem everything that had happened because of him, it would be a little poetic when the fire of damnation started to lick his skin as well.

Sam realized once again that he didn't want to keep living, the fire slowly left him as all the emotions he had tried to crush inside of him started to surface. He wanted to die, but he didn't want her to kill him, he didn't want that his final moments were with her eyes full of indeference and boredom. He also didn't know if she would do it even if Sam didn't ask for anything, and he couldn't think on something he wished. Rufus told him before that you always have to pay something in exchange for everything good-thing that happened that was supernatural related and he knew that if he asked for anything and made a deal then hellhounds would come for him eventually. He should have asked Rufus more.

He was silent for a few seconds, the demon just took her time running a finger down his jaw while her other hand moved towards his wrist, brushing the skin with a nail, rough enough to leave a trail of blood, her eyes mocking at him while they did it. And the next thing he knew was that he couldn't take it anymore, so he blurted the next thing that came in mind.

"I want Satan to be my friend." He said with more determination that he thought he could muster and even if the demon's eyes only widened slightly he noticed the surprise written all over her face.

"Excuse me?" She growled, looking as if someone had insulted her.

"You heard me." He gulped. "That's the only thing I want and if you can't do it then we don't have a deal." He didn't want her to kill him, not her. But at the same time he didn't want to keep living, he wished for a slowly death, to feel as other killed him in anger, ripped him in pieces as the words of everything he had done were whispered against his ear and he couldn't think in anyone better than the Devil itself to cause him the pain he needed and even if Satan didn't come he saw the anger creeping in the demon's eyes so maybe she wouldn't kill him with indifference if he kept saying things like that, as he thought previously.

"And you think that someone like _you _would ever be able to-"

"You're dismissed, Meg. I think this deal belongs to me." A smooth voice spoke a few steps away from them, surprising them both; the demon turned and knelt almost too fast for Sam to catch.

"My Lord, I'm sorry for interrupting you, I'll kill this human and-"

"I said go." He never raised his voice, but the words held a power that made her flinch in fear; she shot a glare at him before she disappeared. "Hello, Samuel."

Sam felt his throat tightening at the voice of the handsome man in front of him. Satan surprisingly looked as any other business man in an expensive suit, his hair was blond and his eyes were icy blue that almost glowed thanks to the light of the moon. Sam's body finally could move, but he didn't have the strength to do anything, he didn't even could understand how he still was on his feet. The stare that scrutinized him was maybe one of the answers, he felt the eyes on him like a touch more than anything, pnning him in place just with a stare, though it wasn't too invasive like Ruby's and luckily he hadn't tried to flirt with him. Sam thought that it was hard enough to avoid the mental breakdown that wanted to show its ugly face without it.

"Not so brave anymore, Samuel?" He asked.

"Sam." He blurted. "It's only Sam."

"Okay, Sam. Would you repeat your wish to me?" Satan smiled and Sam's heart pounded almost painfully against his ribcage, he could hardly listen what the other said with all the blood on his ears. He wondered if what he felt was his instinct of survival telling him to run away and search for refuge.

"I want you to be my friend." Sam surprised himself when it came louder than he imagined; he took a deep breath and his head was held high as he waited for the first blow. He didn't close his eyes. The relief washed over him as it slowly replaced the fear; and the tiredness that he always felt was easier to ignore. He couldn't kill himself because of Bobby and Ellen, but he wanted to be selfish for the first time in a long time. He had tried for them, he smiled and went to see his doctor every day, never interrupting him when he talked, even when in reality he just wanted to lie in bed to think, to just pace around until he would fade one day from the world.

He didn't had any more to offer and living would get harder now that he didn't had a friend like Rufus that could distract him from his thoughts, from the way his arm always itched. He couldn't kill himself but maybe if other… if maybe-

"Okay." Satan answered and Sam blinked several times while his brain tried to process what had happened, had he heard right? Did the Devil, the _frigging Devil _just said 'okay'?

"What?"

"Wasn't that what you wished for? I said okay." He chuckled and walked towards him, his movements held some unworldly grace that he would imagine better in a panther approaching his prey than something using a human's body; Rufus had already told him how demons used vessels to walk on earth… maybe it was the same with the Devil?

"You know how we have to close the deal, right?" He said with his hand brushing his cheek, face a few inches from him. Sam didn't move, though this time it wasn't because of some force that held him but more for the surprise that, even if it was Satan in front of him, he didn't felt the same disgust he did felt with the demon. The only emotion he felt was that indescribable one that he was already used to feel, mixed with the yelling in his head that kept telling him to run away.

"You may call me Lucifer if we're going to be friends." His eyes were filled with amusement as he leaned closer.

"Why? Why won't you kill me?" Sam's voice quivered as the first tears started to fall. Lucifer's lips were on his as he answered with a small grin.

"Because you want to die, but didn't ask for that." And he kissed him, sealing the deal.


	2. My friend, Lucifer

**N/A.I wanted to wrrite a small chapter... It didn't work out and I couldn't cut to then update it next time, so #YOLO (I apologize for saying YOLO)**

**I'm a procrastinator. If I hadn't told my friend that I was going to update all my works yesterday I wouldn't have written all this (I wrote most of it they day before). I thought it wasn't going to be too big (Who am I kidding, I already knew)**  
**Btw, the next chapter will be more from Lucifer's POV and hopefully will be shorter. And thanks for the comments!**

**Well, now enjoy!**

**_O_**

* * *

After making the deal controlling his heartbeat was still a difficult task to achieve, and the fact that he was driving wasn't helping either. But he had already spend a great amount of time in the cemetery and he needed to go to Bobby's house or the old man was going to get worried.

Another tear fell down his cheek but Sam wiped it instantly.

He didn't even managed to go to Rufus's grave after the deal because he was ashamed, so ashamed. The blue label that sat on the passenger seat was a proof of how he had fucked up. Rufus had told him once about how some ghosts still lure on earth after their death because of some unfinished business; and even if Sam at the time didn't believe, he wanted to bury the box so Rufus won't have any to attach him and that way his soul would rest in peace.

But he had failed.

His knuckles went white against the wheel as his grip tightened. He blinked several times in an attempt to take away the tears that were starting to make his vision blur. His jaw hurt so much because of how strongly his teeth were clenched. He had also the urge to stop the car and throw up on the road, to grab the bottle in his right and smash it against the floor and then use the pieces of glass and push them against his throat. He wanted to feel the peace and relief he thought he'd feel as the blood slowly poured from his body; he'd probably have died with a smile on his face then.

But he wouldn't do it because this was Dean's baby. Both of them considered the impala their home. Dean would kick his ass from his grave if he found out that he died next to their home, but he'd also be pissed if he threw up inside.

He stopped the car next to the empty road, pressing the brakes with more force than necessary. He stepped outside and looked at the moon that was shinning clearly above him, looking like a smile or more like a smirk. He felt as if it were mocking at him, at his despair. 'Stupid enough to made deal, boy?'

He sat on the dirt next to the car and took a few breaths, trying to calm the knots in his stomach before he went and grabbed the bottle. He wanted to try it, to taste what Rufus told him… but did he deserved to drink it? To try the 'best thing' he'd ever taste'? Did he? Knowing that if Rufus were still alive he'd spent hours trying to explain him why someone doesn't simply sell his soul, how he screwed things up again. How many times he was going to do that?

He walked toward the bushes and started to dig another hole, laughing with tears on his eyes as he remembered the last time he did one (Just a few minutes ago).

He was so afraid of what would come next because he didn't know how Sata- Lucifer was like. He wasn't intrusive when he kissed him and didn't mock at him at his fear at intimacy as he thought he'd do. Their lips only brushed briefly before he backed off and told him 'We're going to see each other very soon, my friend.' and then he disappeared. Just leaving the echo of a flutter of wings while Sam tried to process what had just happened.

It surprised him when he didn't cry, he thought he'd probably scream but instead he just fell on his knees, weak as they were after all that had happened in less than a half hour. He waited numbly in that position until he felt stronger, until his hands wouldn't tremble anymore, until the desire of scratch his face to accept the pain as an old friend faded and he could bury his emotions again deep inside him. He then he stood, almost robotically, walked towards the car and started to drive. It wasn't until he turned on the radio to avoid thinking and a song of Jason Walker popped up that he started to feel how everything was moving away from his grasp too quickly, too painfully.

His phone rang from the glove compartment, startling him from his task for a second before he started to move towards it, he tensed when he read Bobby's name on the screen. He took the phone in his unsteady hands and after taking a deep breath he answered.

"Sam? Are you okay?" He asked instantly, Sam's throat tightened at the wariness he heard in Bobby's tone, it was as if he were talking with a baby who had a knife on his hands. It made him feel as if he were made of glass; something fragile and small. He didn't like that.

He shocked his head and focused in the question, was he okay? He knew that he didn't expected a 'Yes, I feel fine' but more something like 'I'm still alive and I haven't injured myself'… and he hadn't, or at least not physically. Could Sam tell Bobby what had happened without sounding like a crazy? And how to tell him? 'Bobby, I sold my soul and now Satan accepted to be my friend.'

"Sam?" He asked again and this time Sam just sniffed before he answered without the stronger tone he'd have liked.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm here, I'm fine." The lie felt like a weight against his back, pushing him against the ground. Sam swallowed the tightness in his throat and held his phone with his left hand while he moved his right under his shirt, scratching the skin he found, piercing his nails into his ribs with force enough to hurt but to not leave a mark for too long. Wanting to feel somethingthat wasn't guilt. "I'm fine." He repeated. "I just returned from Rufus' grave, you know?"

"And how are you feeling, son?" He heard the relief in Bobby's voice as the man let a breath he probably didn't know he was holding, though Sam did notice like he always did. He tried to ignore the shame and dread he felt as his hand moved up towards his armpit, scratching with a little more force the tender skin where it hurt more but wouldn't be too noticeable.

"I feel tired." He admitted. "I just want to go-" home. What home? Ellen wasn't his mother or something. "… to bed. I want to sleep" He added after a moment, hoping that Bobby won't notice the brief pause.

"We'll be waiting, son, just, uh, be careful. I can pick you up and f ya don't feel like it, then I'll read to Jo."

"No, no. I want to do it." He added quickly. "I want to; I look forward to it, Bobby." To talk with someone who treated me like a normal human being, even if that someone was just five years old. They said their respective farewells after that and Sam barely managed to not throw the phone away against a rock. He hated how careful Bobby was being lately, he hadn't heard him cursing or that 'take no shit' attitude that he liked from Rufus because how similar it was from Bobby's.

But Sam wasn't stupid or naïve, he knew that it was his fault.

He placed the blue label in the hole and buried it, hoping that maybe someday he'd have the courage to be able to share it with Rufus. After all the dirt covered the bottle and he moved some bushes on top, he wondered for a minute if this was some kind of spell too? Maybe some leprechaun would appear or something? Sam smiled briefly at the thought as he walked towards the car, taking a few more deep breaths to calm himself before he started to drive.

_ooo_

He ate the food Ellen gave him even when his stomach didn't wanted him to, he then read to little Jo 'Hansel and Gretel' jumping in excitement on her bed, he tried to smile while he answered the questions she asked him, trying to ignore the entire time the little claw mark that the demon had left yesterday on his arm, the only proof he had that what it had happened in that crossroads was indeed real. He slept really late that day making sure to not cry, because he didn't want anyone worried tomorrow in the day if they saw his puffed eyes.

He did a lot of things in the day on Sunday. He ran in the morning, helped the neighbors as always did when he was in Bobby's, though he could see how careful they were around him; he helped in the garage with the cars like Dean had taught him, he acted as if he were enjoying himself when Ellen took him to the library and in the afternoon he gave her a hand with the bar, so he could return to bed tired and that way the desire to made the scratch bigger would disappear.

He couldn't stop thinking that day how on Monday he'd have to return to the hospital, the place where he didn't need to act because everyone had a problem like him, no one to judge him. He smiled against the pillow as the slumber slowly came.

"Don't worry, son. In a few months you'll be able to return with us." That was the last thing Ellen told him as she kissed his cheek on the hospital doors, Bobby had his bag with books in an arm and was also giving him a smile. He felt guilty because he wanted to stay.

_ooo_

Tuesday was the first day Lucifer appeared. It happened a week after the deal while Sam took a bite of his sandwich, ignoring completely the weird mass that rested on the other plate. Sam didn't think that the day had something especial; nothing remarkable happened that he could remember. He even had almost forgot about the deal, the mark was fading and he was starting to think of that moment in the cemetery as an hallucination caused because of Rufus' death and his inability to cope with it.

He remember having read something similar in his psychology class, so he didn't thought that it was something important to tell his doctor because it wouldn't help him at all, most likely it'd end in him spending more time in this place. And even if part of him wanted to be here, there was also other part that reminded him that the money Bobby and Ellen were spending would be better in Jo's college's savings than in him. He just needed to complete an eight month trial period here and then he would be free, he only had to assist to every session with his doctor, eat his pills and do all the things they asked him to.

Sam already knew how he needed to act; he only needed some practice so he could start socializing with people again and luckily for him his doctor thought that it was time for him to try group sessions, considering 'how well he had done with Rufus'. He said that he had progressed a lot and he didn't want him to erase that progress by excluding him from others. This was a chance for him to 'open'.

He hadn't punched him for speaking of Rufus' life as if it were nothing only because he was his doctor.

"That's not a good excuse to stop, you know?" Sam jumped on his seat, startled at the sound and at the figure he thought and hoped he wouldn't see again.

"Y-You are…"

"Lucifer. We introduced before." He flashed a smile at him and extended his arm for a handshake.

Sam didn't move, too stunned to try to make any movement. The Devil didn't seem to mind, he only moved slowly his hand and place it on top of his own. Sam tried to jerk it away, surprised at the cold touch, but he found himself unable to do it, the grip didn't tightened or use any force against him, it merely held him.

"I'm not very good with this so called 'human mannerisms', Sam'' He started, crunching his nose at the word 'humans'. "But even I know how important handshakes are for the first meetings."

Ignoring their hands Sam looked around quickly, glad when he found the space almost empty. Chuck was in his usual corner but he seemed too engrossed in writing his story than in Sam. Lisa was talking with one of the nurses but she was too far away to even notice him. When the cold hand moved away he finally turned his attention to the being in front of him. Lucifer didn't seem to care that Sam had ignored him; he was looking at his tray with curiosity and a hint of distaste. Did Satan even eat?

"No, I don't need it." He pushed a spoon to the pure, watching its consistence. "And I don't think this even qualifies as food."

"Were you-" Sam swallowed his nervousness. "Were you reading my mind?"

"Is that a problem?" He tilted his head and placed his hand under his chin.

"Of course." Sam furrowed his eyebrows but quickly amended himself when he remembered who he was talking. "I mean, could- uhm, could you please not do it?" Sam glanced down and shook his head; he couldn't believe what he was asking. He was Satan, he frowned, or at least he thought he was Satan.

"Okay." Sam sat upright and looked directly at him; he still had those amused eyes but the difference with Meg was that he didn't look as if he was laughing at him, it was more like the fact that he was here was what amused him.

"Okay?"

"Yes, Sam. I said okay. I'm getting worried, you know, you keep repeating yourself."

"Are you…" He raised an eyebrow. "Uhm, getting worried?"

"Well, no." Sam blinked in surprise at the honesty behind the words, he unconsciously opened his mouth to ask but he shut it almost instantly, glancing down. How someone talked with the Devil? It was something really weird to think about the being in front of him as such, considering how easy it was to speak with him. Of course, it was easy once you ignored that tingle screaming behind his back that he's going to refer as his survival instinct, but again Sam had already tried to kill himself so it must have been almost inexistent in the first place. So it was fine to ask him things?

"Ask, Sam and if I want I'll answer." Sam frowned.

"I thought that, uhmm…" Sam trailed off; Lucifer only waved his hand and motioned him to continue. "Were you reading my mind just now?"

"No, but you seemed nervous and I'm getting curious vibes from your soul." My soul?

"My soul?" He repeated out loud.

"Yes, and before you ask. No, I can't turn this off like I can with your thoughts." Now he grabbed his jelly and started to read the label of it. He blinked several times at how surreal it was to watch him.

"Why are you telling me this?" Sam blurted, getting a little uncomfortable by his actions.

"Because you asked?" He placed down the little jelly and raised an eyebrow at him.

"Yes, Okay, I get that. That doesn't mean that you have to, right?"

"Right." He said the word slowly, as if he tasted the word in his mouth and by his look it seemed that he didn't liked the sound. He looked so normal and honest when he talked, though how he really knew that he was telling the truth about not reading his thoughts or if he simply was just telling him that so Sam could let his guard down? Wasn't he the king of lies? He didn't remembered a lot of religious lore, he was more interested in folklore and neither Dean nor dad believed. He met Pastor Jim as little and went to mass with him, though only sometimes, and it didn't focus in the Devil too much.

He jumped on his seat for the second time that day when he felt cold fingers touching his hand briefly; he looked upwards and saw Lucifer with two fingers still in the air. "You space out." He explained.

"Uh, sorry." Sam rubbed a hand against his face and saw Lucifer looking even more amused at the words. Yeah, he must not be used to people saying sorry to him. It was so odd that Sam smiled a little against his hand.

Since that day Lucifer started showing up, always in different times, three or four times a week and no more than an hour. It happened when he was alone or when there few people in the room, never when there was someone beside him. Though it wasn't like Sam talked a lot with others either, most of times he was alone and he prefer it that way too. He grew too anxious when there were too many people in a room, he felt uncomfortable in his own skin.

He remembered the first time he went to the group session; it was before Lucifer appeared for the first time. There were five? Six people? Sam didn't pay attention, he was too concentrated in keeping his smile and in looking polite, trying to answer the questions that were asked to him. He always did it short and preferred to be the one making questions instead, so he won't talk too much, he only listened or fake that he did. When the nurse asked him to share Sam talked friendly and light, many years of lying to social services finally pay off (If they take you, they'll keep you away from each other. You don't want to do that to Dean, do you?), because the others seemed to buy it.

He started to talk with others after the sessions too, or more like the others started to talk with him. Sam's palms were always sweaty when it happened, but it kind of helped to distract him. He focused more in what to say and how to say it than in his own thoughts, and his doctor approved how sociable he was getting. Sam never told him how his palms sweated or how he stayed up many hours on his bed thinking in different scenarios or how the small silent in conversations felt so long and heavy, almost as if it were crushing him. He only smiled at the doctor and told him how glad he was of recovering.

"Isn't that book a little too simple for you?" Sam jumped and turned around to see Lucifer looking over his shoulder, a few inches from him.

"What are you doing here?" He whispered, the anger making him forget for a while who he really was. He stepped outside the room and looked at the hall for signs of Bobby or Ellen, he sighed in relief when he didn't saw them.

"Visiting you, of course." Lucifer smiled, standing behind him and looking outside too. "Isn't that what good friends do, Sam?"

Sam braced himself and swallowed and murmured. "Yeah, I get that."

"What are you doing?" He said, moving towards the pile of books Sam was cleaning. He grabbed one from a box and raised an eyebrow after he read the title. "Sometimes I question human creativity, you know."

Sam smiled at the sight of Satan holding and starting to read 'The ugly duckling'.

"That's for kids. I'm looking for books to read to Jo." He said quietly.

"Most of these are from when you were young." Lucifer mentioned, reading the label with his name on the book.

"Yeah." He was lucky that he gave the box to Bobby just before the fire. Jess thought in doing it before he and Dean decided to make their trip, and he agreed to take advantage of the space in the impala. Though they kind of forgot about them once he came to live with Bobby and Jo was still too little to read.

"May I borrow these?" Lucifer said holding a comic book from one of Dean's boxes. Sam didn't want to ask 'Why?', but he really was close to do it; luckily for him Lucifer noticed the silent question. "I'm in here."

"Are you?"

"I'm curious to see how you humans characterize me, that's all." Sam bit his lip as he walked towards Lucifer, always wary. He looked at the comic book' title and was surprised when he read 'Lucifer' in the cover, showing a blonde man in a suit. It was strange the accurate description.

"You've your own comic book?" Sam slowly asked.

"I've appeared in many other forms too, this looks promising though." Sam glanced at the other comics and noticed for the first time how the others had some sort of transparent cover protecting them from dust, but the one in Lucifer's hand was bare.

"You took the cover off?" Sam frowned, trying to use the height advantage he had on him, but Lucifer only looked even more amused at his attitude. He felt anger coiling in his stomach; he knew how much Dean took care of his comics. He always hid them behind their mattresses when dad came home because he thought that it was lost money, but Dean never asked money from him. He always found little jobs and used the money for food when dad didn't left enough or bought clothes for him, it was only when he had a few extra coins that he used them to buy the things he liked. He remembered how close to tears Dean was when his dad found out for the first time and throw them to the trash can. He didn't move to save them, but Sam had managed to save a few ones after dad left.

"If you're worried that I'm going to dirt them, then you should remember who I'm." Actually, that was the problem, Sam just wanted to take them away from Lucifer but he saw that Lucifer was truly curious and he had never seen him like that in all the month he had got to know him.

He sighed. Dean had taught him to share, but he wondered if it was okay to lend his things to Satan.

"Okay." He said, Lucifer smiled and Sam thought that maybe he had done something good after all.

_ooo_

"And, uhm, how is Hell?" Sam asked once while the commercials were on, they were watching a Disney movie about toys that were alive and Lucifer seemed to enjoy it, considering how he didn't ask too many questions.

"Anxious to know how your future home will be like?" Sam tried to not flinch, but he saw the little smirk on Lucifer's face so that meant that he had failed in hiding it. A thing he had learned about Lucifer is that he didn't apologized so Sam didn't expect that from him. "You want to know what will happen to you? Sorry, but no spoilers."

Sam snorted. "Where did you even learnt that word?"

He went still and clenched his fists in fear involuntarily when the final words left his mouth as he felt something cold brushing at his shoulder and glanced down. The cold brush was gone but the sensation didn't leave his body immediately, instead it seemed to go through his body. He shuddered. He could hear the sound of the TV in the background but it was more like a faint noise, he could hear clearer his mind yelling 'Don't forget that he's the Devil!'

Sam took a deep breath and glanced at his left warily. Lucifer wasn't watching him; he was still seated next to him on the couch in his pristine white suit with his attention on the TV, though that didn't mean that he was ignoring Sam if his satisfied grin didn't serve as proof enough. Sam let a breath he was holding and from his peripheral vision saw how his companion turned his head.

"I was just curious." Sam murmured as an apology and placed his legs against his chest. He stayed quiet after that, just watching the movie without paying too much attention. He couldn't avoid how that little retort he made reminded him of a memory with Dean, it happened when he was doing his homework on the couch next to his brother while he watched the TV. He couldn't remember what word Dean had used that moment, he only recalled the surprise he felt. His brother blushed and scowled at him, trying to sound offended as he ruffled his hair and said 'What? I can't know fancy words or something, bitch?'

'Jerk' Sam thought, answering at the Dean of his memory, smiling sadly against his arm. He missed his brother too much. He didn't knew how he'd have survived without him those years after Dad died, they were lucky that Dean had enough age for the social services to not intervene and Bobby was willing to helped them. But because of him Dean had to work, if he hadn't told him a year before the accident that he wanted to go to Stanford maybe Dean wouldn't have worked so many hours to pay for his studies. His brother was sure that he was able to enter college with the grades he had.

They went to a bar to celebrate the day he got the acceptance letter, all paid, though that didn't mean that the books were free; he tasted his first beer that time. And then the grade in his SAT was good enough to get him a scholarship in Stanford too. Dean came to California the weekend before his interview to help him to calm down. Jess thought it was a good idea. Jess was his girlfriend, he was going to ask her to marry him the day after his interview; Dean whistled when he saw the ring and smiled at him proudly. They slept in a motel because he thought that driving drunk wasn't a good idea, considering what had happened to their dad. Though, that was his fault too.

"I have what you humans would call a secretary, though he'll be more like one of my generals." Sam's head snapped to attention and turned to look Lucifer with widened eyes. "I don't have a second hand in command because demons tend to be cunning, they're only interested in obtain more power."

Lucifer crunched his nose in disgust. "It wouldn't surprise me if some were trying to search for a way to back stabbing me, so they could get the crown of Hell for themselves."

"What-?"

"Anyway, my secretary goes for the name of Crowley. I catch him a few days ago making deals without giving all the necessary forms for that." Forms? "He was keeping the souls for himself, so I got his tailor eaten by my hellhounds and they munched him a bit, a fine show indeed."

"Are you trying to cheer me up?" Sam asked after a few moments of silence.

"Is it working?" Lucifer's expression was of boredom but after years of looking at his face in the mirror, trying to learn how to hide his emotions he was an expert to see in others what they were trying to hide, and he saw a hint of curiosity in Lucifer's eyes. Though it was like he wasn't trying to hide it and more like, it was just something small.

"Why?"

"I can't enjoy this movie with you moping next to me." Sam snorted but he saw that it was true. "I can see and feel your soul, Sam. If I wanted to see more souls lamenting then I'd have stayed in Hell."

"You're in a mental ward, believe me, here you won't find happy people."

"It's not like I enjoy being around humans." He said glancing around. "But it's fun to watch some of them struggling to fit, trying to fix themselves. Their hope makes it fun; there isn't that kind of hope in Hell."

"So I'm just fun for you?" Sam raised an eyebrow, surprised that it didn't even bothered him what Lucifer said, though lately there was just a few things that he cared about. And he always wondered why Lucifer was doing this, visiting him when he could do whatever he wanted.

"Most of the time, yes." Lucifer nodded. "When you're not moping."

"So… you like me?"

"I wouldn't call it that, more like I can stand you." Lucifer smiled at him like what he just said was the best compliment ever. Maybe it was considering how much he kept saying how he didn't like humans. Sam tried to return the smile, but Lucifer just waved his hand dismissively. "Don't even try it's sad to watch you smile."

"For the father of lies you're way too honest." He crossed his arms against his chest and puffed a little. He didn't even care if what he said had offended him, he had tried to smile at the Devil he should at least appreciate that.

"Who knew that the boy had some attitude?" Sam flinched a little but didn't apologize. "And so you know, I don't lie."

"Really?" Sam now turned his head completely and gave him his best incredulous face.

"Sometimes the truth can hurt more than lies, you know. I always say the truth some don't wish to acknowledge, but they keep claiming that they're lies."

"So you're telling me that you've never lied?"

"I may have twisted some truths to my benefit." Sam chuckled when he saw how Lucifer was inspecting his hands with a pleased smile; he wondered what he was remembering. He opened his mouth to reply and keep asking questions now that Lucifer seemed to be in a good mood, but he heard someone calling him from behind. He looked over his shoulder and saw a nurse holding a tray with meds on the door. It was late so he couldn't see his face, only his silhouette.

"It's time for you to take your pills, Sam." Sam turned quickly at the seat next to him, but didn't found Lucifer there. He sighed in relief; he didn't want to explain how a non-patient was in there.

"Thanks, Roger."

He stood up and left the room, he didn't bother in turn off the TV in case Lucifer returned. While drink his cup of water after taking his pills he shuddered thinking in how easy it was turning to talk with Lucifer, he wasn't the kind of guy (He didn't even was a guy) someone would want to be friends with. But he had already made the deal, he couldn't back off now.

Lucifer wasn't what Sam thought he would be, for starts he was less terrifying. He had never saw him displaying power or killing someone, though that didn't mean that Sam didn't know how powerful he was. You could almost feel the power in the air just by being close to him. When he got annoyed, it was a little hard to breath but Sam knew that he did it unconsciously. Lucifer was more like a regular CEO, often complaining about how stupid his employees were.

"But didn't you create them or something?"

"Just the first ones and they're smarter." This time Lucifer was on top of his shelf, reading one of his books while Sam tried to sleep. It was weird to think about how quickly his friendship(?) developed.

"Uhm, the first ones?"

"You're repeating my answers again, Sam." He glanced at him from the book raising an eyebrow.

"Sorry, I mean, how even demons are born? Because from what you told me I can infer that there are a lot." Lucifer closed the book and placed the object on his lap; he placed the palm of his hand under his chin, tilting his head while he looked as if he were in deep thought. "Is something I'm not supposed to know?"

"Not necessarily." Sam sat on his bed and watched Lucifer in expectation, but he didn't continue.

"Uhm, Luci-"

"Story time then, Sammy!" Sam swallowed his retort at the nickname, surprised at the tone he had used, instead he focused in what Lucifer would say. He felt his curiosity prickle for the first time in months when he started talking; his words held a power that just engrossed Sam into paying more attention. Lucifer's voice was smooth an almost hypnotic when he wanted to made a point across, he had also a manner of speaking that made you able to picture clearly everything he said. That was why he felt even sicker when he started explaining how demons were truly born, how the human soul decayed to that level.

Sam knew that Lucifer wasn't lying or just telling him that to terrify him about what would happen in ten years because of how he stopped talking when his chest felt too tight and the urge to throw up grew to uncomfortable levels. He just waited for Sam to take a few deep breaths before raising an eyebrow and asking: "Want me to continue?"

Lucifer left after he finished telling him how time and torture worked in Hell, saying that he had to reschedule some things. Sam thought for a moment that he probably wanted to give him some space, but he pushed that thought away, concentrating instead in not biting the inside of his cheek with too much force. The thought about how even if he hadn't sold his soul he was designated to Hell didn't help him to relax.

He just lay on the bed in a fetal position, tucking his hands between his tights, trying to not glance to the pencil in front of him that he managed to hide in his book from his group session. He just wanted to write some stuff down and took it; he hadn't realized before how easy would be to press it against his skin. But this time he didn't want to kill himself, he just needed some proof that he was alive and the pain usually helped. He moved far away, curling into a ball in the corner with his back touching the wall.

Lucifer appeared an hour after he left next to him with the same book he was previously reading on his lap; the lack of light didn't seem to bother him. He sighed in relief because with Lucifer body seating next to him he wasn't able to see the pencil. Sam didn't look away from Lucifer's face as he moved closer to his cold body; the only indication that he was scared was the shallow breaths of his labored respiration.

Lucifer didn't do anything when his face brushed the soft material of his suit, nor when he finally closed his eyes. He just kept reading in silence, too quickly for a normal human to understand. Sam slept with the sound of turning pages as a lullaby and the power Lucifer emanated as a blanked, afraid that this comfort was a dream and that he'd need to wake up soon. He also thought that the cool hand he felt brushing on his hair while he drifted into sleep was just part of his imagination too.

_ooo_

It was in the seventh month (almost three months after Rufus' death) that his doctor told him that he was going to change his meds. It scared him greatly when it happened, because he only took antidepressants and the sleep pills sometimes, though he had only taken the second ones the first month and after that just when he couldn't sleep and asked his doctor first. The dose of the antidepressants was also reduced to the minimum after the second month, though they increased the dose the first two weeks after Rufus' death. It was obvious that the doctor tried to be gentle about the subject and that was what scared him even more.

He had tried to act normal; he had done what everyone in his sane mind would do. The entire time. Was his act that easy to look through?

Sam looked down and ran both hands through his hair, leaning both elbows on his knees. He took a shaky breath before glancing at the doctor, remembering that he needed to keep his act together a little more time. If he could, he shouldn't be scowling at himself at the moment; he was losing it in front of the most important man. The one that held his freedom.

"If I'm allowed to ask, Dr. Simigh. Why are you increasing my, uhm…" Sam deflated as he talked, even with all the practice he got from his session group, it was still hard to talk. And it was worse when the conversation drained him emotionally.

"Sam." He felt a gentle touch on the hand that wasn't supporting his head's weight. The smile he found in his doctor when he glanced at him was supposed to be comforting, but Sam could see the condescending hint in his eyes too. He tried to return the smile, instead of snarling like he wanted to. "You've been sleeping four hours per day, that's why I'm reestablishing your sleep pills again. It's important that you sleep."

"And the antipsychotics?"

"It's for prevention mostly, Sam." He took his hand away. "I know you want to return with your family after your trial period here, and I've seen how much have you progressed from your first weeks. It's just a mild dose."

"Have you…" He started. "Have you told Bobby and Ellen about this?"

"Not yet." He said and looked to the small notebook with his notes. "I'm going to give you generic pills. I just want to confirm something, but it may be just your restlessness causing it, Sam."

"But you will?" Sam pleaded, his tone made the doctor look at him.

"I have to; you need to stay here until I see that it's working."

He then gave him his pills and he was lucky of how tired they left him almost immediately, because he didn't like to think in what he'd have done if he had the energy to do anything. His mind was too weary to even think as he walked towards his bed.

_ooo_

"I swear that demons can be really stupid, sometimes I just want to feed them to my hellhounds and get everything over." Lucifer said appearing on the chair next to his bed.

"Your hellhounds?" Sam yawned, rubbing his eyes and feeling a little more confused than usual.

"What's wrong with you?" He asked when Sam tried to stand up but his head was too heavy to even try to move it.

"Sleeping pills. They make me dizzy."

"Yes, I can see that, but why are you taking them?" Sam moved the arm that currently shielded his eyes towards the back of his head, and he saw that the curiosity in Lucifer was honest.

"Because I need to sleep?" He almost face palmed at the stupid answer he gave, Lucifer's face was clearly saying 'No shit, Sherlock'. He blamed the pills. "I mean, a person needs to sleep because it can affect negatively the brain if they don't do it. Eight hours is the correct time that one needs to-"

"I know what the human body needs, Sam. I was asking why you are taking them." At Sam's dumbfounded expression he sighed and continued. "You're already used to sleep little; your body is used to four, five hours."

Sam slowly turned and blinked owlishly at him, he probably was giving Lucifer some weird look, as if he just had told Sam the meaning of life or something of the same degree because his friend had that sparkle of amusement in his eyes that he often saw when he had done something Lucifer considered funny.

Had he just called Lucifer, the Devil, his friend? Sam tried to remember what he had thought a second ago and snorted when he realized that yes, he had done that. And again, he blamed the pills.

"Do I want to ask why are you making that weird sound?"

"You're Satan." Sam managed to answer, as he sat on the bed, laughing at his odd situation. His laugh grew a little more when he saw the surprise expression Lucifer had. His mind always felt light the first moments he woke after taking sleep pills but never like this. He didn't know if it was because the other pills or just Lucifer, but even so, it had passed more than a year without him laughing and he kind of missed to do it.

He looked upwards when he felt cold fingers brushing his jaw and noticed that Lucifer's face was a few inches away from his own, he hadn't move away immediately mostly because Sam's brain still couldn't process too fast. He blinked and tried to swallow his nervousness but his mouth felt too dry. Sam remembered for a second the first time he saw him, the power that his eyes possessed hadn't diminished at all, it still had the ability to pin him down.

Sam saw that Lucifer's eyes had that silver flash that he sometimes could saw when the light surrounded Lucifer's body, it was a peculiar hint that Sam had always found strange to see in the devil, and he always tried to ignore how it made Lucifer's usual icy blue eyes glow; though it was harder to ignore it while being at this distance. Sam's eyes flicked unconsciously between his eyes and lips and he then felt a soft blush that creep into his cheeks when he noticed what he had done, but Lucifer didn't seem to mind, not even when Sam's mouth parted when he tilted his head.

"What a peculiar thing you are." He said, eyebrows slightly furrowing. He smirked as he slowly backed off.

"I'm hungry." Sam blurted and stood up too quickly, he stumbled on his feet but Lucifer managed to catch him from his arm. Sam shivered at the contrast of his warm body to Lucifer's usual cold skin. He didn't turn to look at him and kept walking, ignoring the strange looks he got in the hall and how fast his chest pounded.

_ooo_

"You should try it." Sam said gesturing at his pudding. "It's the only good thing they serve."

"Then why would you offer it to me?"

"Because you've never tried any food and that's the only good thing I had at the moment that would probably change your mind."

"You want to change my mind?" Lucifer asked clearly amused, Sam felt his cheeks warming but kept moving the little package in his direction.

"It won't kill you." Sam stopped pushing the pudding in his direction and raised an eyebrow. "Or will it?"

"Yes, Sam. You found my true weakness." He said sardonically, grabbing the spoon from his bowl with mashed potatoes, pointing it at him. "Pudding."

Sam laughed and accidentally pushed the pudding with too much force, making it fell from the table. Douche.

"I just felt that you insulted me." Sam sat upright and looked directly at Lucifer, pudding forgotten.

"Were you reading my mind?"

"So you were! And no, I told you before that I wouldn't do it."

"But why?" Sam frowned and this time he asked with more conviction than the first time. The last time he didn't felt too comfortable and was scared of what Lucifer would do to him, but now that they had some sort of friendship he was more confident.

"We're friends, aren't we?"

"I don't like how you stretch the word that way, and you've to admit that we weren't before." Lucifer slowly leaned on his chair with a big smirk on his face, waving around the little spoon. Sam could hear his heartbeat pounding on his ears as he tried to not blush.

"So we're now?"

"I'm serious." Sam said, looking away.

"I respect consent, you know."

"You do?" He asked, surprised at the tone Lucifer had used. It had the kind of power his words always held, but there was something different this time too.

"Of course, it's part of my nature." Well, now that he thought about (And he didn't want to), he was pretty sure that if that demon could grab his soul and get away with it, she'd have done it; instead she needed him to accept the deal. Perhaps it was part of their nature after all.

He scratched the back of his neck; feeling that he was forgetting something. "I've to admit that I never thought that consent was something important to demons."

"Demons don't need consent, Sam." Lucifer's tone was hard and Sam couldn't avoid not looking at him.

"But that demon, Meg, needed my consent to-"

"Deals are different. Is your soul what we're bargaining, after all." Lucifer didn't give him the chance to finish his sentence, Sam noticed how annoyed he was getting and couldn't ignore how his mind clouded in guilt as he looked down.

"Then why did you tell me that-"

"Hello. I'm sorry but I think this is yours?" Sam jumped in surprise and looked at his left, noticing for the first time the woman in nurse uniform that stood there with a sealed pudding in her hand. Sam hadn't seen that nurse before; he frowned and grabbed the package. "Uh, thanks…?"

"Magdolna. I'm an intern here."

"Oh. Well, thanks then, Magdolna." He repeated the strange name. She glanced at his table and pursed her lips, he was going to ask her what was wrong but she talked first.

"You don't have a spoon." She said. "Do you wish me to bring you one? Is not a problem."

Sam blinked at her and frowned, finally looking at his table. He was surprised when he found Lucifer's pissed eyes in front of him with his spoon in his hand.

"I have it." He said. Sam looked between the nurse and Lucifer. It was obvious that she hadn't heard him.

"I- I, uh. Don't worry." He took a deep breath and glanced away. "I need to stand up and go for my pills anyway."

"Okay. See you later." Sam waited until she was a few feet away before he leaned on the table and grabbed his head between his hands, scratching his scalp with his short nails. He hated that they had to always cut his nails. He hated that so much in that precise moment.

'You need to stay here until I see that it's working.' The words keep echoing in his head.

"Sam?" Lucifer asked him, but he couldn't look at him. He stood up and went to his room, never glancing back. His muscles felt too tense and he needed to do something, anything, to calm himself. He scratched his arm with all the force he could muster as he walked and when he reached his room he entered quickly not forgetting to close the door behind him.

He breathed heavily and too fast for his liking. It felt like drowning; he blinked the tears away as he searched for his notebook. His hands were trembling too hard that he threw it to the floor accidentally when he found it, but he didn't gave it too much attention, he just sat there and grabbed the pencil from the floor and held it in the air as he pushed his shirt off; he slammed the tip on his skin the same time he heard the flutter that he always heard before Lucifer appeared.

"Sam!" Lucifer knelt in front of him and grabbed his right arm, stopping him from moving the pencil. "What's wrong with-"

Sam didn't let him finish, he used his left hand to punch him in the face. He moved away but Sam's knuckles still brushed his chin, he heard how the bone broke and pressed his injured hand on his chest. Lucifer touched gently his hand and healed him, ignoring the sob Sam made at the lost of pain. He held both his hands and pressed them against his chest, squeezing Sam into a hug that was really hard to get away. It felt like there was a metal rope that around him, making it impossible to move.

He finally stopped struggling when he felt how something not entirely liquid washed over him; it was like the sun rays in those warm days and the contrast between Lucifer's skin and the light that seemed to engulf him was amazing and calming. He relaxed in Lucifer's arms and felt how he moved his left hand to his side and healed that injury too, throwing the pencil away. Sam let a watery laugh against the white suit where he was pressing his face; that little display of power was proof enough for him that Lucifer was real. He moved his head until it rested in the crook of Lucifer's neck, wanting to feel something cold against his forehead.

"Sam?" He asked, his tone uncharacteristically worried.

"They think I'm having hallucinations." He replied between sobs. "They must have seen me talking with you and thinking that I- I… I haven't talked with Ellen or Bobby about it, but I know that they know. That I need to stay more time here."

Lucifer didn't say anything, but he felt how he tensed. It was the first time Sam realized that this wasn't his body, no one could be this still, it felt like a statue was hugging him and it didn't help that he didn't said anything. Sam slowly grew uneasy in the silent, it felt too heavy.

He started pressing his nails against his palm, more of a nervous habit than with the intention of hurting himself. The urge he felt of causing himself pain had faded, it felt numb inside him that he thought it may be Lucifer's influence, because this calm felt too unnatural. Lucifer sat upright, backing off a little and grabbed his fingers to stop them from scratching his palms. He looked at him in the eye and seemed a little nervous as he opened his mouth.

"I want to make another deal." Sam blurted, tears still in falling from his eyes. "Erase the memory of me from others and you can take my soul down to Hell. Immediately. Bobby, Ellen, J-"

Lucifer covered his mouth with his right hand.

"I said that if I wanted to be around moping people I'd have stayed in Hell, Sam." He sighed. "Could you let me finish what I want to say?"

Lucifer waited for him to do something, so he nodded.

"First of all, I'm an angel. A fallen one, but still an angel. I'm surprised that you didn't knew that, actually." He said while he settled Sam's shirt on its place. "And second, I apologize for the problems I've caused you."

Sam's eyes widened at the words. He blinked several times and thought for a moment if this was a dream.

"Don't act so surprised…" He trailed off, tilting his head with a strange shade of mirth dancing in his eyes. "We aren't that close that I would want to flatter you much. Your healing psyche might not be able to take it."

Sam snorted and Lucifer finally took his hand away frowning at his palm covered in…

"Oh, sorry!" He tried to stand up and search for something to clean but Lucifer grabbed his arm to stop him. He looked at him and saw how he waved his hand and all the fluids that were once there simply disappeared, the wet spots on his suit that Sam had also stained with his tears were gone too.

"Woah." Sam blinked and touched his face, feeling his skin dry and clean, he couldn't even feel the stubble he had since two days ago. He moved his hands to his eyebrows and-

"I still left your eyebrows." Lucifer sounded a little offended, and then he slowly added. "And your hair."

Sam smiled at him and mouthed a 'thanks'. Lucifer smirked at him and waited for Sam to sit correctly in front of him, gesturing the spot with his hand.

"The deal still stands." Sam said once he sat.

"I don't want it. You already made a deal with me, Sam. And I'll make sure that no other demon tries to make a deal with you." Lucifer leaned too close for Sam's comfort. "Your soul already belongs to me."

Sam cleared his throat and tried to not make eye contact with him, looking everywhere instead, but Lucifer's stare felt more like a physical touch brushing at his cheek. Incapable of ignore it he glanced at him from the corner of his eye and saw how his smile widened with every movement Sam made, leaning involuntarily towards him.

"So…" Sam licked his lips.

"Ten years, that was the deal." He shivered at the contact of Lucifer's cool breath on his skin, but he suddenly moved his head to the right and looked down. He frowned before looking at him again. "Would you promise me to be good for a while?"

"What?"

"Demons." He crunched his nose at the word, still looking down; it was as if he was seeing something on the floor, something that had personally offended him.

"Lucif-?" He disappeared before he finished the word; Sam looked around and sighed when he noticed that he wasn't going to return anytime soon. He pressed his head against his legs when the realization of what had happened crushed him.

He rubbed his face and was ready to stand, finish his food and maybe have a panic attack later when he noticed that there was a crayon on the place where his pencil had fell.

"Very funny." He said as he grabbed the white crayon in his hands.


	3. Ups and Downs

**N/A. Sorry that it took me too long to update this. It was really, really long and I even had to cut it half. So one more chapter... yay**  
**I was also lazy, I didn't want to read it to correct my grammar mistakes, so if there is any too noticeable, just tell me.**  
**Hope you enjoy this chapter, though, and thanks for the comments! ;D**

* * *

**"The sun stopped shining for me is all. The whole story is: I am sad. I am sad all the time and the sadness is so heavy that I can't get away from it. Not ever." **  
**― Nina LaCour, _Hold Still_**

-ooo-

"My lord, I don-"

"Is not this something curious?" Lucifer interrupted him as his grip on the demon's throat tightened. "I'm almost taking your throat out of this body, yet somehow you manage being able to talk."

The demon whimpered; hands covered in crimson tried to hold from the sleeves of Lucifer's white suit, searching for something to grab in the sheer desperation he felt. Though, once he saw the power behind his eyes he pulled his hands away as if he just touched electricity, choosing instead to flap his arms around while he drowned with his own blood, making a beautiful song of agony.

"Oh, come on! You're supposed to be a demon." Lucifer traced a bloody finger against the demon's sternum. "I should kill you just for the pathetic sight you're to my eyes." More tears fell and he couldn't avoid how his brow wrinkled at them; disgust made him threw the body against a wall. Waving a hand, he cleaned his suit as well as fixing the demon's vocal cords, nor his other injuries though. They were the only thing that made Lucifer put up with this being.

"Now, will you tell me who is the one that's planning to backstab me? Who knows, maybe I will let you live." He said as he slowly moved forwards, a wicked grin plastered on his face. "Or should we start playing again?"

Actually, he didn't want to spend any more time with this being, nor he wanted to prolong his stay in Hell. He had already been there for more time that he would have liked and he didn't think that the brush of grace he had used to calm Sam would last.

It had started to concern him how much he was getting attached to that human.

But not many demons knew that he had some sort of omnipotence in Hell, so they didn't know that Lucifer could see and hear everything that happened down there, after all Hell had become an extension of him, shaping at his liking. That was why he noticed when the demon in front of him tried to talk to others into join his cause, which unsurprisingly consisted in kill him. At first he hadn't noticed, the demon was hidden from his eyes, so he only heard the other side of the conversation, deducing then what was happening.

If he didn't stepped down at that moment to show an example, then things would have escalated too quickly and they'd think that it was fine to confabulate behind his back.

His annoyance only grew when he realized that he'd need to use torture to get the information he wanted, something that it was more of a hobby to relax himself. It felt like he was cheating, but it was a necessity since that demon had fused with his own meatsuit to be able to use an especial protection against angels; he was curious at how he had gotten that knowledge. He didn't like it, but he needed to use some primitive tactics for it, because it seemed that the protection was strong enough that not even Lucifer was able to read his thoughts, and as the humans like to say: If you want a job well done, you've to do it yourself.

It was very problematic when you ruled a place where you couldn't trust in anyone.

"You may let me _live_?" The demon rasped, finally managing to talk after coughing for several moments the blood inside him. "And you wonder why I was planning to go against you? Look at yourself, Lucifer!"

The archangel merely arched an eyebrow.

"How _soft_ the Great Deceiver has turned! When you created us, you promised _us_ Paradise! And after all the centuries we've waited for your return, you came! Is this your-" Lucifer shushed him with a gesture, burning slowly his lungs from the inside.

"I asked you who the one that's planning behind my back is. Nothing else." The demon's eyes bulged at the lack of oxygen, they didn't need it in order to function, but it seemed that torture was easier when the demon had merged its 'soul' a human body, because now he didn't seem to be able to shut some of the biological functions, letting them in control, reducing him at the same level of humans.

_"Lucifer."_ The voice echoed in his mind, ringing in dazzling and gracious tones he hadn't heard in a long time. Lucifer closed his eyes, hoping to hear more of that exquisite melody in which his name was pronounced, but instead the only thing he was able to hear came from the demon that kept babbling in front of him.

_"_Shut up_." _Lucifer whispered in his true voice, but the demon just kept babbling in cries even as his ears started to bleed.

"…and you shall f-!" Were the demon's last words as Lucifer ripped its soul out of that body. Once the wounded black smoke was on the palm of his hand he briefly wondered how to kill it, but then demised the idea to waste any more time in it and he chose to just burn it slowly, starting a spark in its core.

He frowned at his hand, annoyed at his own behavior, he had killed that demon just because he was pissed at him for making noise, and therefore he failed in obtain the information he wanted. It was almost embarrassing; letting himself get distracted simply by the way his name had been-

_"Brother, may I see you?"_ Michael spoke once again in the channel that only archangels could hear, he decided to enjoy his brother's voice for a moment before letting himself consider the words, after all, almost a decade had passed since the last time they've talked and even if he was still angry at Michael and wished to hate the archangel with the same fervor his hatred towards his father was, he simply couldn't. Or at least, not completely.

Lucifer frowned after a few seconds had passed and Michael hadn't mentioned where he planned to see him. He wanted to ask but didn't want to give Michael and his other brothers the privilege of hearing his voice once again.

He was going to shrug Michael's request off and go instead to Sam's side to see if he was fine, but the moment he extended his wings to fly he felt a presence on earth, powerful enough to only belong to one being. Lucifer considered his options and decided to see Michael instead, his brother didn't came to earth unless it was important and he didn't want to waste the chance in case Michael wanted something from him, because usually that meant that his brother would owe him.

Still, he took a brief detour and went to check on Sam.

He stood in the middle of the room the hospital had offered to Sam, without showing himself he saw him on his bed trying to sleep, but there was an uneasiness in his soul that hadn't been there before, or at least not at that degree. Lucifer brushed his wing on Sam's side as he had done that same morning, in an attempt to calm him, but Sam opened his eyes and sat upright at the contact and started to look around; the archangel's eyes merely widened in surprise and amusement at the action.

He hadn't thought, not even for a moment that Sam would be able to acknowledge his presence, not when he was cloaked from this plane like he was. Perhaps Sam's reaction had been a response at the cold that usually came with Lucifer's touch, but then to proved him again wrong Sam asked in a softly: _'Lucifer?'_

The boy licked his lips and frowned, looking suspiciously around, slower this time; as if he were waiting for something to happen. His lips thinned when he glanced down, finally resigning at the thought that there wasn't anyone there. He leaned on his elbow and slowly lied on the bed again, curling at his side as he brushed his hand on the same spot his wing had touched.

Lucifer hadn't showed himself at Sam not because he didn't want to, but because he wanted to do it. And he knew that if he did showed to Sam it'd make him delay his reunion with Michael; he wasn't so thrilled to see his brother again but he couldn't deny that it was more important than to check on a problematic human, who was stupid enough to call at his name in the same tone one used to pray. It wasn't the same feeling he had felt at hearing his brother's voice saying his name, but he won't say that he wasn't pleased that Sam, a human that had become someone close to him, had been able to recognize his touch.

He wanted to sigh and he wondered for a second if this was what humans felt before sighing in frustration. He had seen Sam do it, but never wanted to do it himself, though he remembered have done it with Sam before. Always involuntarily.

_"Lucifer?"_ Michael asked and Lucifer couldn't find an excuse for him to stay any longer in the small room and with one more look to Sam's curling form he flew.

-ooo-

"Michael." He greeted his brother. This time their encounter took place in the cold lands of the Antarctica and Lucifer was surprised to see the aurora that illuminated them from above. It had been a while since he had enjoyed the beauty that earth's nature had to offer. It reminded him of the early days when he was just a fledgling, sitting in burning stars as he and his brothers watched the universe expand and evolve.

"Feeling nostalgic, brother?" Lucifer added looking up to signal the sky. He knew that Michael's thoughts and his would be the same.

Michael was wearing a male vessel this time, different from the one he wore when he saw him for the first time in millennia. The female vessel of that time made Michael look more gracious, the soft curves and small form contrasting the great sharpness of his grace. Lucifer never knew if Michael was 'rubbing on his face' how great was the difference between them at that moment. He knew he looked hideous after managing t destroy that Cage in contrast with Michael's pure grace.

"Probably." Michael finally answered turning to look at him, his wings following the same fluid movement. "After all, it has been more than a decade since the last time we have seen each other."

"I can't imagine what torture you've been through without seeing me." Lucifer scoffed. "I wonder how it must felt to not seeing one of your own kin for a long time."

Michael just gave him a look that Lucifer couldn't describe, but it was one he had seen mothers give to their child before as they pouted.

"You have been spending more time on earth; I thought you said that you did not have any interest in humanity." Michael said, ignoring his previous comment.

"I don't see how that's one of your business. I don't plan to destroy mankind if that's what you're afraid of. We had a deal, I gave you my word."

"That is not an answer." Michael replied, his frown deepening.

"Can we not just enjoy the glorious view in front of us and not fight for once?" Lucifer said with sarcasm, but Michael's didn't seem to grasp what he meant.

"Indeed, it is beautiful." He said instead. "Do you remember the first time they appeared in the sky?"

Michael looked up at the sky, unfolding his wings, changing the magnetic field on them as they reached the maximum extend they'd be able to obtain in a vessel and dragged part of the aurora to dance around his wings, in what Lucifer could only call a playful gesture, that remind him of those times they'd brush their wings together, creating and destroying new stars with the sheer power of the coalition. The colors they managed to obtain were more exquisite than the ones in the sky.

"Gabriel and Raphael liked when I finally taught them this trick." Lucifer could taste the change in oxygen and the nitrogen in the air that surrounded them as Michael continued his charade; it was easy to differentiate them from that feeling that was pure Michael's. Lucifer's wings tensed behind his back as he longed to touch, to walk closer to his brother and enjoy the familiarity he knew he'd feel. The only thing that Lucifer could compare to the display Michael was giving him was the raw feeling of Creation's power, waiting quietly for the time when all the energy would finally burst.

Michael always felt like that moment of suspense before this universe was created. And not even that description would be enough to compare Michael's grace.

"You never could. The brilliance of your wings made it almost impossible." Michael whispered.

"You came for something. Speak, Michael. Stop playing." Lucifer said, the fire of his wings hammered at his exasperation, melting the ice around him.

"Never giving a chance to redeem and forgive." He murmured. "One would say that you have not changed, brother."

"I never change." Lucifer said harshly, turning away from Michael, not caring that he was giving him his back.

"Is that so?" Michael looked steadily at him as he started to walk closer. "Then the rumors I have heard about you spending more time on earth were lies?"

"Have you been gossiping, brother?" Lucifer mocked, it wouldn't have surprised him if Michael told him that there were angels that were supervising him; he had already felt them sometimes, trying to cloak themselves from him. Michael wasn't a fool; he knew that Lucifer was too powerful to not notice. And that just meant that he wanted to see his reaction.

Lucifer was being tested again. With furrowed eyebrows, he looked over his shoulder; Michael hadn't moved an inch, clearly still waiting for his answer. Lucifer merely grinned as he began speaking nonchalantly.

"A human made a deal." He started. "He wanted me to be his friend." Michael raised an eyebrow and Lucifer shrugged in a 'what can you do' gesture.

"And you accepted?" He questioned in an incredulous tone.

"It may have influenced that I was a little bored that day. You probably don't know, but demons can be so boring." Michael didn't seem completely convinced, but didn't press for more answers.

"That still does not explain why you are spending so much time on earth."

"Brother, I know that you've never had a friend, but usually they tend to spend time together."

"Yes, I had one." Michael tilted slightly his head, looking intently at him. He had seen that same gesture a handful of times since he got out, it was as if he was waiting something from him but Lucifer could never figure why. The familiarity that they once had before his fall? The camaraderie? He knew Michael and knew that he was smart, it'd be too innocent of him to think that they could go back and retrieve the kind of relationship they had.

He didn't peg Michel as an idealistic dreamer.

"Brothers don't count." Was Lucifer's answer. "You came here to only talk about the choices I've in friends?"

"You cannot deny how suspicious your actions are, considering what he is." Michael wrinkled his nose slightly.

"_Oh._ What was that, Michael?" Lucifer asked with a vicious grin. "I think it smells like blasphemy, don't you think?"

"You were the one who did not possess any sympathy towards humans, not me." Michael tried to defend himself. "I am not here to judge you, Lucifer."

"Then why did you come to see me, Michael?"

"Have you forgotten? We agree to see each other the last time we met."

"Oh yes, though you never specified the day. This is about the souls, right?"

"Yes." Lucifer sighed at his brother answer, the playfulness he had before had disappeared completely as his wings got back to their usual blank state. He was all business now.

"It's not fair that you always get with the best." Michael ignored him as he looked down for the first time, lips pursing.

"I assume that you already have them prepared for me?"

"It seems that you hadn't heard me. I said that you never specified the day, I haven't prepared anything." Lucifer smiled toothily.

"If I had given you a day, would had been any different?"

"Probably not." He conceded and with his wings held high, he added. "Now, follow me if you want them."

-ooo-

"Are you fine, Sam?" Someone said as it touched his shoulder, knocking him out of his thoughts.

"Hm?" he turned around quickly and saw a familiar nurse behind him. "Oh..."

"Magdolna, we've met a few days ago." Sam knew that, since the next day she had started to work in the hospital she had been the one who was constantly helping him. She always kept remind him her name probably because of how distracted he always seemed, or maybe because she thought that he was that bad and considered a necessity to constantly remind him. It bothered him.

She didn't seem to care how fake it looked when he tried to smile at her as a form of greeting; he felt it too forced on his face, but she merely squeezed his shoulder in reassurance before letting him go completely. For some reason the place where her hand had touched him started to itch but he ignored the feeling; he was getting too paranoid lately.

"Yes, I remember you. Hi, Magdolna." Looking around Sam noticed that there wasn't anyone in the room with him anymore. "You, uh, need something?"

"You were spacing out. I didn't think that you've noticed that it was already dinner time."

"Oh, yeah…" Sam glanced down. It was true; he hadn't noticed how much time it had passed with him sitting in the same spot.

"You need to eat, Sam. You still have a diet to follow." His teeth clenched involuntarily at the order in her tone, but he closed his eyes instantly and tried to count to five before sighing and deciding to stand up. He didn't felt hungry but his doctor always kept telling him about how important it was for him to eat constantly. It was one of the conditions he gave him if he wanted to get out.

"Thanks for remind me, you're really nice with me." Magdolna's lips merely twitched in a strange way at the compliment, but instead of leaving she accompanied him to the cafeteria.

She left when they finally reached his destination, mentioning how many work she still had to do. Sam was paying too much attention to her that it wasn't until he nodded and wished her good luck with her work, that he noticed his surroundings for the first time. He normally went to eat earlier than everyone and sometimes even later, because he felt too uncomfortable eating with people around him, but this time he hadn't checked the time and Magdolna had made him go when the place was fuller. He was still in front of the counter with his tray in hand when he started to look around for a place to sit; his usual spot was occupied.

He fidgeted before deciding to sit next to Chuck; he thought it would be easier because even while the guy was eating, his eyes never left the pages of the notebook he kept scratching. Though that didn't stop Chuck from glancing up nervously when he felt someone sit beside him. His eyes widened for a moment when he looked at Sam.

"Oh…Uh, Hi, Sam." Chuck's hand started to tremble slightly as he tried to make himself look smaller, something easier considering Sam's height.

"Hi, Chuck. Can I sit here, please?" Sam tried to use his friendlier smile and his politest tone. Chuck looked surprised and a little shocked before he sighed in relief.

"Yes, yes, of course." The panic in his voice seemed almost completely gone as he slowly smiled.

Sam didn't mention the change in attitude. He didn't blame the guy, really. He knew that most of the patients had already noticed his mood changes. He was getting too at edge these days and it was getting harder to hide it from everyone, if the tension he had felt around him was something to go by. It looked as if everyone saw him as a time bomb, looking for a sign at any moment to know when he'd explode.

He had tried everything so that way no one would notice, but he had failed horribly.

Two days ago he just couldn't anymore. The realization of what was happening hit him really hard that day and that was why he only wanted to be in bed and if he was lucky he'd get some sleep; maybe in his dreams it would be easier to ignore his thoughts. But Magdolna had knocked his door to remind him that it was his time to get his pills so he needed to eat first. Sam had spent some time trying to perfect his normalcy act in front of the mirror before he was able to go outside.

There were more people than he was used to, but it wasn't that many. His spot at least was empty and he was okay, or at least enough to be able to pretend that he was fine, even though he still felt guilty because of how he responded at Lucifer's proximity a few days ago. He knew that they had become close in the last few weeks, and Sam could even begin to call Lucifer a friend, but in that moment it hadn't felt like friendship, he was afraid that he was getting too attached. He didn't want that, or maybe he did, but he knew that he didn't possess the sanity to be able to form a healthy relationship, though he still wanted to talk with Lucifer because he enjoyed his presence, but it had passed many days since the last time he had saw him and now was getting worried.

He knew that Lucifer didn't like humans, he wasn't skittish to vocalize it in every opportunity he had, but for some reason he looked like it didn't bothered to talk with Sam. It was as if he even liked him. He knew that Lucifer could chose to come for just a moment to say hello and then go, or simply to not come at all; their deal was to be his friend but that didn't include that Lucifer needed to visit him. So Sam couldn't avoid feeling especial, because Lucifer went to saw him almost every day, even when he was busy he came for a couple of minutes to see if Sam was doing something interesting enough to ignore his work.

Lucifer was able to see his soul; he had told him that many times but Sam didn't know exactly what that meant and he never asked, probably because he didn't want to hear the answer. So he didn't know if Lucifer had noticed the spark of arousal he had felt that day at their closeness.

But that may be why he hadn't returned since that day… Probably he had been disgusted at Sam's human behavior. Maybe he had realized that Sam was just like any other human with the same primitive instincts. If that demon in the crossroads had know what Sam had done in his past, then it meant that Lucifer knew too, but maybe he was already used to those kind of souls, being around demons and all, but he was angel too, right? One who didn't like humans (if the others angels did). Maybe there was a line that Sam had crossed.

Sam could remember the thoughts that had invaded two days ago, four days since the last time he had seen Lucifer. He had felt like shit while he was eating his lunch and had ignored others because at the time, he wanted to be alone. The good thing about this kind of place was that everyone seemed to know when someone wanted to be alone; it was like a silent agreement between the patients. But that didn't mean that they wouldn't notice when someone did something that was far from normal.

Like what happened after he finished his plate. He was sure that his grip in the tray had been strong, or perhaps that was his brain trying to create more excuses for his clumsiness. But he just remembered standing up with tray in hand, feeling relieved that he just needed to take his pills and then he'd be able to return to his room; but in the next moment, the tray fell from his hands and Sam had tried to grab it before it hit the floor but that only made him fall too, cutting his hand with a piece of broken glass in result.

He thought that it had been Brady the one that first laughed. He didn't paid too much attention; he could only see the trail of blood that rolled from his palm, reminded him of the day he left the marks on his arm, it was hypnotizing how bright the red was, how alive it looked.

He suddenly felt heavy as he started to clench his fist, feeling ridiculous because he wasn't able to hold a tray correctly; he wasn't even a good human. He remember feeling a hand touching his arm and then there was gauze covering his hand, Magdolna was the one adding pressure, looking him with the same pity he had seen in Bobby's eyes as he kept asking_ 'Why you've done this to yourself, boy? '_.

Sam pushed her and pressed his injured hand on his chest. He thought that he may have screamed at her to leave him alone. He didn't remembered a lot after that, everything was blurred; the loud pound in his ears and the desperation he felt was the only thing that had been clear to him; he didn't know when he started to scratch his face, but the reflection he saw in the mirror the next day was the confirmation that he had done it. He did remember when they grabbed him from behind to inject him. He remembered seeing a smile as everything went black.

Since then Sam had done everything to redeem himself. He told his doctor that he had a dream of Jess the day before and that it had felt so real. He told him some of his fondest memories when he asked about her, feeling hollow and repulsive as he did so, expecting that he'd believe that the few tears he shed were because of him remembering and not other thing. It wasn't as if it didn't hurt to think about her, but it was easier because the ache was familiar. He grew used to it.

He had also started to talk more with the patients, helping the nurses to carry things and trying to make himself look smaller and harmless in front of them, something that had always been hard considering his height, but Sam had practice. He was also more careful when he ate; ignoring the want he had of pulling his hair out of his head every time he felt eyes on him. He had started to count until five, sometimes even ten, so he'd be able to calm himself.

Sam sighed and grabbed carefully his empty tray, smiling at Chuck when he told him that his book was almost ready. Magdolna waved at him when she saw him entering his room, giving him a plastic cup and his pills. They tasted weird, but Sam was already used to the odd taste; he knew that it wouldn't be too long until they started to kick off and making him sleepy, that's why he instantly lied on the bed and closed his eyes. What he liked about the sleeping pills was that they made no room for him to think.

That was good because it had almost passed a week since he had seen Lucifer and he didn't want to think about that.

-ooo-

Lucifer went to visit Sam eight days after the last time they saw each other. It was morning, but not too early to find Sam in his bed. He was outside, making strange movements and positions with other patients. Sam had said to him that it was part of his routine to make some exercise; he prefered to run but they didn't let him so he chose to do yoga instead.

He sat on a bench, cloaking his form from others and decided to simply watch them. He knew that Sam had already perceived him, if the way he had tensed and threw glances at Lucifer's direction when he appeared was a clue. But he didn't walk towards him, he just continued doing yoga. Lucifer felt ofended at first, but he stopped when he saw an unusual light in Sam's soul.

That's why Lucifer decided to watch the humans instead as the all moved around and some laughed when a guy fell, though his attention was only on Sam. In the way his body followed the instructions with the rest; there was certain grace in his movements, something that would have been usually impossible to picture in someone with his height, but he certainly knew how to use his body at his advantage. Lucifer smiled as he considered to make them all fall, just to see Sam's knowing glare, but he seemed to be enjoying himself so he decided to search other ways to entertain him.

He tried to watch the other patients next to Sam, it was odd to see them acting so normal, considering that in the opposite wing of the hospital there were people that Lucifer thought wouldn't feel anything if he decided to just carved them into pieces. No fun at all.

Sam then went to the bathroom to shower; a nurse was outside writing in some papers as he waited for him, knocking absently the door five minutes after he entered; Lucifer smirked when Sam answered with an 'I'm still alive.". He followed him when he went to eat his breakfast, always earlier than others, making sure that it was emptier. Giving a hand to the person with low dopamine in their system to carry their trays to their tables. It was amusing seeing the woman holding the fork with trembled hands when she didn't took her medicine, though today wasn't the day.

Lucifer then moved closer to Sam, looking over his shoulder to try to see what had made him flinch while he help one nurse; he saw a small cut in his hand and Lucifer wondered if Sam was the one who made it; he couldn't avoid thinking that if he had been there he'd probably have been able to stop it.

He loved to made patterns with different kind of weapons in other's bodies, using them as blank canvas, seeing the blood slowly pour from the cuts was relaxing. But he didn't want to see Sam covered in his own blood, or perhaps he wanted to see him like that, covered in all types of wounds as the life slowly drained from him; he knew that Sam would look amazing in red.

But he was far more interesting alive. It captivated him the way Sam held himself; how his empty smiles could charm everyone around him. He knew how to act to obtain what he wanted, who he needed to control, but his soul never lost its caring side and Lucifer liked that of him. His emphatic part was still strong even with all the darkness that it clouded it; if others could be able to see his soul in the same way Lucifer was able to, then they would have realized about the truth. Or perhaps not, Sam was a clever man, after all.

-ooo-

Lucifer got distracted creating some stuff from thin air in front of schizofrenic people, that he didn't noticed when Sam left. He made sure that he was in his room alone before he shown himself, not wanting to create any more rumors between patients and nurses about his mental sanity. Sam tensed at first, but he turned slowly his head from the book he was reading towards Lucifer's face, looking as if he were waiting for something to happen, holding his breath between clenched teeth.

"What are you reading now?" Lucifer asked as he walked towards the chair closest to Sam's and sat. Sam smiled, eyes softening as he breathed in relief. It was slightly amusing how his soul calmed at his presence, as if he had missed him. Lucifer couldn't remember the last time that someone was so relaxed just by being next to him, not even the brothers that had followed him when he fell felt like that, too scared or awed to do so.

"I knew you were there." Was his only answer.

He didn't ask him where he was or why it took him so long to visit him and Lucifer wouldn't blame him if he asked, because lately it had become a habit of him to visit Sam almost once a day; though Lucifer knew that he wanted to ask but wouldn't, not because he was afraid of him but other was the reason and he didn't know what. The distress in Sam's soul was his only clue.

"You don't want to ask where I've been?" Sam blushed in embarrassment and looked sheepishly at him.

"Will you tell me?" He asked, placing his book next to the others on the pile he had on the floor.

"Sure, why not." Lucifer stood up and walked towards the bed, sitting next to Sam, closing his eyes as he threw his head back. After seconds had passed without Sam talking, Lucifer decided to glance at his right and arch an eyebrow at the human. Sam looked confused at first; but turned his body to have a better view of him, pressing his back against the wall's corner, careful of not touching him.

"Uhm, so what were you doing these days?"

"Working." Lucifer simply answered; smiling when Sam made that weird expression he now did more often than before.

"What is the name of that expression?" Lucifer asked after Sam rolled his eyes and sighed.

"What?"

"The expression you wore before. Is exasperation?" Sam looked more confused. "You did something like this."

Lucifer tried to imitate the same face, Sam snorted at first but it quickly turned into a laugh that he needed to cover with a hand so he wouldn't made much noise, it looked almost painful. Lucifer would have been offended that a human was laughing at him, but he hadn't seen Sam laugh a lot and the way his soul sparkled when he did it was enough reason to forgive him.

"Sorry, sorry." Sam said between chuckles. "Okay, I don't know if it has any name, but Dean used to call that my 'bitchface'"

"Bitchface?"

"Yes." He answered quietly, the laugh dying in his throat. He looked as he did before he started to space out and he knew that that usually meant Sam's soul was going to become cloudy and too dense for Lucifer's liking. He had spent most of the time with his brother and he needed a break. Sam was the perfect candidate to pass time with, so he wouldn't let him space out.

"Sam." Lucifer touched Sam's hand, startling him at first; he looked nervous as he pulled his hand away.

"Sorry." He rolled his eyes at Sam's continued use of the word 'sorry'.

"Did you just roll your eyes?" Sam asked with a smile, it always managed to confuse him the sudden changes of mood, which might be why he didn't consider Sam's words at first. But he couldn't ignore how his smile grew when Lucifer didn't' spoke, the glint of mischief was clear in his eyes. "Oh god, I'm being a bad influence on you."

Sam's smile quickly disappeared, panic started to spark in his soul. "Sorry. Is that a blasphemy or something? I mean, you're an angel, but you, uh-"

"Sam, maybe you haven't noticed but you've mentioned my Father's name many times before." Sam flinched. "Besides is not as if I care, we don't have the best relationship as many humans know."

"So it's not a blasphemy?" Lucifer stretched his legs on top of Sam's as he answered.

"I'm probably not the best to answer, but I think Dad used to like it when others mentioned Him."

"Used?" Sam tensed at first but he then just decided to frown at his legs. "Take off your shoes if you're going to do that."

"Yes. Now Michael's is the one receiving Dad's prayers." Lucifer waved a hand and made his shoes vanish just at the same time Sam covered his face with both hands. "Sam?"

"Sorry." The sound came muffed. "Is just weird that I'm having this conversation."

Sam let a breath out before he sat upright. "Okay, so why is Michael hearing God's prayers?"

"Because Father left Heaven a centuries after I fell. Now Michael is the one that rules Heaven."

"Oh. I'm sorry." Sam looked directly at his eyes, placing his hand on top of Lucifer's. The action was so sudden that it surprised him for a second because Sam did it without hesitation, his tone even. The conviction was clear in that one gesture.

"Now why are you saying sorry this time?" Lucifer grinned and played with their hands, this time Sam did look self conscious as he glanced down. A small sad smile adorning his lips.

"Well," he started. "Your, uh, Father is gone and I know that even when you try to hate them… This kind of things will always affect you."

Lucifer didn't know what expression he wore when Sam decided to glance at his face after he finished speaking, but it shouldn't have been a good one considering how Sam recoiled, but that didn't stopped him from moving a little closer until they were next to each other, their legs still entangled. But the nervous vibes that his soul emanated were starting to bother him.

"Did I ever tell you why God cast me down? How I fell from grace?" Sam raised his eyebrows. "Though, it's now a common knowing."

"But usually the history is written it by the ones who win, and besides I haven't read the bible yet."

"Hm." Lucifer closed his eyes at the same time he felt Sam settle on his spot more comfortably.

"Are you waiting for me to ask you to tell your story?" He asked when Lucifer didn't say anything; the truth was that he didn't know where to start. "Because if I ask you and you only answer me with 'God did it because he wanted' or somethin-"

"It was because I loved God too much. More than anything, actually." Lucifer threw a glance at his right. "Though I had some time to think while I was imprisoned, and I guess you could say that it was perhaps because I was too prideful too."

"Perhaps?" Sam huffed a small laugh.

"Yes and don't get cocky. But well, all was fine until God created… You, humans. And then asked all of us to bow down before you . To love you more than Him." Lucifer tried to reduce the disgust in his tone when he felt Sam tense beside him. "I couldn't. You were flawed, murderous, abortions, and I wouldn't bow down before you."

Lucifer leaned more into Sam's shoulder, his eyes still closed as he remembered that moment.

"I had an older brother like you, who I loved. Idolized, in fact. And when I looked at Michael for support, begging him to stand with me he called me a monster and turned on me; just because I had a mind of my own at that time." Sam swallowed. "Michael was the first to bow down as the good little soldier he was. Even now that Father is gone, he's still being one."

"And because I didn't do what Father wanted, He had Michael cast me into Hell. " Lucifer felt Sam's eyes on him as he sighed and then huffed a breath because he sighed.

"A mind of your own?" Sam asked quietly.

"We angels are instruments of Creation; and as the tools we're its not our job to have free will. Or emotions for that matter. That's your job."

"You've emotions." They both locked eyes; Sam looking a little uncomfortable at their closeness.

"And you're stating obvious facts again." Now that he had a name for Sam's expression, Lucifer smiled. "I've Free Will too. I can do whatever I want and take what I want, but the thing is that angels are not supposed to have that. Father created you with Free Will, unlike us, alongside gifting you with the Earth."

Lucifer looked at Sam from the corner of his eyes when he felt a pleasant spark of anger flutter in his soul, he saw disbelief in his eyes. "Sam?"

"I can't believe that angels don't have free will. Aren't you supposed to, uh, protect humans and be happy in Heaven?"

"We're warriors of God, Sam. And most angels don't know how to feel happiness, not even if it smacked them in the face; they're too 'detached'."

"But then it's God's fault, not humans. You don't have to hate-"

"Uhm. But Sam, you've to admit it. I was right." Lucifer extended his arms. "Look what six billion of you have done to the gift my Father gave you; and how many of you blame me for it."

Sam didn't try to convince him otherwise, didn't make any arguments against it and Lucifer thought that he had done something wrong. Perhaps it wasn't right to talk about how petty humans were to someone like Sam. Who didn't though much of life to begin with. Lucifer frowned at himself because he felt guilty.

"Not all of us." Sam said. "There ones that even when they know exactly what you mean still try to do better, to be better."

Some knocked the door and Sam sat upright immediately, looking at him. "No one but you can't see me; nor hear me."

"Come in." He said and an older woman opened the door, she started to walk towards Sam with a book in her hand, but her step faltered and she gave a quick look around, frowning. Her eyes lingered on Lucifer's spot a little too long, but he added another layer at his cloak and that seemed to confuse her. As he concentrated the energy of his tainted grace, Lucifer felt something odd in the ambient.

"Hi, Missouri" Sam greeted her with an honest smile. He didn't notice her weird behavior as he was looking at her hand.

"Hello, boy." She said in a motherly tone.

"Is that mine?" Sam signaled the book.

"Bela's therapist gave it to me. It was between all the stuff she returned." She gave it to him and wrote something in a list of papers she had. "I've to go now, boy, but keep in mind that lunch starts in twenty minutes."

She left, but the feeling didn't leave. It turned into an insisting murmur instead. Lucifer unfocussed his vessel eyes, it was easier if he felt it.

"Are you okay?" Sam's voice thummered, sounding distant making Lucifer turn his head; he realized then that the feeling came from Sam. He touched the side of his head and leaned close, trying to make a connection between them so he'd hear better the soft whisper.

"Uh, Luc-" Sam breathed.

"Hush." Lucifer closed his eyes and finally could see something unusual occurring in Sam's timeline, leaving an echo he was surprised that he hadn't notice before. There was someone in Sam's past who was not supposed to be there, visiting him.

It angered him when he recognized the presence.

He brushed Sam with his grace, trying to search for the exact moment where this drift had occurred. It would have been easier if he touched directly Sam's soul, but that may be too painful for the human; so he formed tendrils of his grace and guided them inside him. When he found the date Lucifer opened his vessel's eyes and was ready to fly, but he saw Sam breathing heavily, eyes shut tightly. He tried to turn his head away but Lucifer's grip on his scalp didn't let him.

Sam didn't look tense, just oddly nervous, that's why he thought it was safe to tease him. Lucifer smirked and decided to lick Sam's cheek; chuckling when he jumped.

"What the hel- Why weren't you listening to me?" Sam scowled, blood rushing at his cheeks and neck as he cleaned the side of his face.

"My apologies, Sam. I didn't heard you." That seemed to throw him off for a moment. "And now I need to go to check something." Lucifer said and started standing up, shoes materializing on his feet as his legs untangled from Sam's.

"Check something?"

"Yes, it seems that my dear brother Michael is looking into your life."

"What?" Sam rested a palm against his forehead. "Why would an angel be interested be interested in me?"

"Just Michael, and he's an archangel. Heaven's commander." Lucifer ran a hand through Sam's long hair as he concentrated again in the exact place his brother's was. "We both can bend time so I need to go now before he leaves."

"But why me?" Sam asked, concern clear in his eyes. Lucifer knew that Michael had already noticed him, but didn't left that time.

"Because I'm interested in you." Was Lucifer's only answer as he ripped the walls of Creation; The trends of time opening at his presence, ready to bend at his command. Lucifer grabbed Sam's familiar timeline and flew alonside it, following the path in front of him.

-ooo-

"I thought you weren't interested in my choices of friends." Lucifer mentioned when he appeared next to the same vessel Michael was wearing before. A slightly younger Sam sat in front of him, looking at the broken pieces of glass that came from a broken mirror a few steps from them as if they were gold.

"I was merely curious of what you see in him. I won't affect his timeline." Michael had a mask of indifference as he saw the different kind of emotions displayed in Sam's soul.

"Well, you've been already here. Seen some things." Lucifer walked towards Sam and sat beside him, like he had done a few minutes ago, or perhaps it would be better to say a couple of months later. "Now go."

"He probably wouldn't have gotten into Heaven immediately, had he succeed." Michael said calmly.

"Had he succeeded then I would have given him to you yesterday, alongside the others." Tears didn't fell from his eyes as he started to hyperventilate, grabbing the broken glass with desperation; unconsciously Lucifer started to move a hand towards him.

"Lucifer." Michael spoke only once, but the meaning was clear. Lucifer's hand stayed in the air as he saw Sam cutting his forearms with a smile on his face, a broken sob escaped from his lips. Sam looked so relaxed as he leaned his head against the bathroom wall and stared at the ceiling.

His future self wouldn't be too pleased to know that he had saw him in this moment. It felt as if he shouldn't be watching but at the same time he couldn't tear his eyes away.

Sam ran a hand through his hair; he didn't clean the drops of blood that fell onto his face. He just smiled bitterly and whispered 'I'm sorry' at the air

Lucifer was right, Sam looked good in red. Really stunning, even more accompanied with the sharps colors of his soul. Relief, fear, sadness, happiness, disappointment, accomplishment. Too many colors.

"Lucifer." His brother said quietly, there was a question in his tone.

"They're not going to make it." He said, ignoring his brother. Sam had told him before that it had been his friend Bobby who found him in the bathroom. But he could sensed him and his wife on the road, five minutes away late and Sam had already lost too much blood.

"Even after you rebelled there were rules that you never broke, because you knew how important they were."

"I'm not changing the timeline if it already happened." Lucifer glared at his brother.

"Do you think that Father wanted you to-"

"Oh, stop it. I'm doing this because I want to. Don't involve the old man here." Lucifer brushed Sam's hair, stopping the bleeding. Sam didn't seem to felt him, it looked hard for him to even stay conscious.

Lucifer kept stroking Sam's hair as he moved his head towards his chest. Michael kept looking at his actions with curiosity and stayed there until the couple went inside the house and Michael surprised him by dropping a piece of mirror on the floor. The sound made Sam blink but his eyes were still unfocused. Lucifer only moved when they entered the room, startled at the noise.

Ellen covered her mouth with a hand as Bobby dropped on his knees and grabbed both forearms. Lucifer made the blood start to pour again, but at a slower pace. He flew when the paramedics came; grabbing Michael's arm, he flew between timelines until they were in the correct one, releasing him in some place close to the Pacific Ocean.

"If you ever go to any other period of Sam's past, I won't care about the deal we made, brother." Were his last words before he flew away.

-ooo-

Sam's smile didn't faltered, not even while he was eating. He had tried to erase it, noticing the odd looks he was receiving but he couldn't. Lucifer's words still rang on his head. Lisa stopped and smiled at him when she passed by.

"It seems like someone is happy." She said as she leaned on his table; it didn't bother him. "What's up?"

The question was lighthearted and easy. She seemed to be having more good days lately.

"Is nothing." Sam bit his lip and looked away.

"It sure looks like something, but you don't need to tell me. Is just nice to seeing you so happy, Sam."

"Thanks." She smiled again and ruffled his hair beofre she left.

Sam stood up with a good mood and started looking for a nurse so he could receive his pills, wondering if Lucifer will show up later. He found the old lady that was head of nurses, but it always creeped him out, luckily, he heard Magdolna calling for him; he turned and saw her with two little cups in her hands. "I've your pills, Sam"

"Oh, hi. I haven't seen you all day." She sighed, her smile faltering and there was certain tiredness in her posture. "What's wrong?"

"Is just that a girl with BPD from other wing broke again with his boyfriend and I had to be with her."

"Is she okay?" Sam asked as he took the pills.

"Yeah, but I'm a little worried by the guy too. I mean, it must be really difficult for him just having a relationship with her." She said glancing down and signed Sam's medicine's file. "Her doctor even told him that it would be better for him to stay away if he was not prepared for that kind of relationship. They can be too consuming, you know."

"What do you mean?" Sam felt himself tense at the words.

"Well, she doesn't even know if it's love or just her being clingy. She tries to be independent and look as if she doesn't need any company every time they break, but then she harms herself because she can't handle the rejection. We needed to put her down because she hadn't slept for two days."

Uneasiness started to creep inside Sam at how familiar it sounded. He wondered if what he was feeling with Lucifer was just that, he wanting just to be needed by someone. Someone who wasn't family. He admitted that he also felt slightly attracted to Rufus, but didn't do anything because he was older than him and Sam knew that he wouldn't be interested. He also felt the same with every short friend he made after Jess and Dean's death, two years ago. He didn't pursued any because if he didn't even like himself how could other?

His doctor even thought he had BPD at first when Sam mention it but quickly discarded it, saying that it was just his way of coping with depression.

"-been with her trying to calm her down. She needed constant watching." Magdolna stopped talking and Sam looked at her. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't be telling you this, is just that-"

"It's okay. I like to hear other people. It's okay." Sam smiled, or tried to. She glanced down for a second.

"I should go and return to that wing. I've already made my job here, just wanted to say hi."

"Anytime." Sam walked out first, went to his room and breathed a couple of times until he calmed down before he decided to grab the book he was previously reading, trying to concentrate in other things. He glanced at the desk where the white crayon that Lucifer gave him still was.

-ooo-

Lucifer returned almost five hours after he left, there was a frown on his eyebrows as he sat next to him. Sam was calmer; he reached a part of the book were the story became more interesting and even if he clenched his fist slightly when he felt glad that Lucifer was there, Sam could easily disguise it better now that Lucifer looked distracted.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

"I must apologize, Sam." He started. "My brother has violated your privacy by 'visiting' your timeline."

He said the word 'visiting' with sarcasm. "What do you mean with that?"

"We, angels, can travel through time and my brother used this to see into your past."

"Wait- What?! You're angels! Are you even allowed to go into another's life and see-" Lucifer stroked his hair, the cold touch stopped Sam; there was a silent apology in the gesture.

"We are." He said. "What we're not allowed is to interfere with time."

Sam huffed and looked away, frowning at Lucifer's feet. "What did he saw?"

"You're not going to be happy." Lucifer waved his left hand and made his shoes disappear.

"I'm not happy now."

"Yes, I know." Lucifer turned Sam head with a hand, the action wasn't forced if he wanted Sam could turn his head away again. "Can I take advantage of you now that you're not angry at me and just at my brother?"

Sam raised an eyebrow and was going to ask what he meant when he saw Lucifer leaning closer. His eyes bore into his; the usual grey blue that always looked cold now seemed melted. Sam was startled at first, his mind couldn't process clearly what was happening, at least not until he felt Lucifer's nose against his cheek making Sam close his eyes slightly. He still could see Lucifer's eyes on him, asking for permission.

He wanted to ask what was happening. "Luc-"

Sam swallowed at the serious look he wore. Lucifer's right hand was in his hair, curling around the back of his head, giving enough room for Sam to move away if he wanted. And that was what scared him more. That it was his choice. Now they noses only brushed; they were a few inches apart but this time Lucifer didn't move more closer.

Sam licked his lips nervously and liked when Lucifer followed the movement with his eyes.

"Am I making you uncomfortable?" Lucifer asked.

Sam's lips quirked up at the hint of concern he saw in front of him. The constant yell in the back of his head that kept screaming 'run' whenever he was with Lucifer never left, but Sam was good at ignoring things and now he could hardly hear it. Sam knew that he'd probably regret later that he leaned, erasing the few inches that separated them. But he was used to the feeling, and he was curious.

The first time they had kissed Sam couldn't remember how it felt, it was short and cold; it tasted a little salty, but that may be because of Sam's tears, that time he was having a mental breakdown. Lucifer's lips were still a little cold and the only thing that it felt like human, but his mouth was warm with a taste that Sam couldn't describe. It was, cool, smooth and light. It chilled him, but at the same time he felt as if he were burning with every touch. When Sam opened his mouth to Lucifer's tongue he felt something metallic that startled him, making him move away because it felt like blood.

Lucifer tilted his head in curiosity as he licked his lips; it was one of the most innocent gestures he had seen in Lucifer in all the time they had been friends. Though it may be one of the first he'd see considering that they had been friends for a short period of time.

"What are we doing?" Sam breathed, heart beating erratically every time he saw Lucifer's lips.

"We were kissing." He said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world

"But why?"

Lucifer sighed and rested his head on the headboard, stroking Sam's hair he spoke. "I realized that it would be really boring without you." Sam could have asked what did he meant, or what it would be boring. He smiled faintly instead.

"That's not a good reason to want to kiss-"

"Because I wanted to, Sam." Lucifer looked directly at him, eyes calm.

"I'm a mess, you know." Sam pressed a palm against his forehead. "I'm a human. Flawed, you said it yourself."

"Yes, I said that. Though the nurse interrupted me and I didn't finish."

"What. So now humans are perfect?" Lucifer smiled.

"No. Of course not. But I'm- what's the word?" Lucifer hummed. "Awesome. I think that's the word humans use now. "

Sam couldn't help it, he laughed. "Glad to know that your ego is still there."

"Thank you. So you see. I'm awesome, because I'm better than my brothers."

"Uh-huh."

"I'm flawed in their books, though. So while I was in the Cage-"

"Cage?" Sam interrupted him.

"Yes, I Michael put me there." Sam wanted to ask more but Lucifer kept talking. "I realized that even though you're flawed, that's what's makes you likeable."

Sam frowned and talked slowly. "But you don't like humans."

"I never said that I liked them. Most humans should be dead, but as you said before there are some that aren't that bad."

"And I'm one of those?" Sam gritted his teeth.

Lucifer arched an eyebrow. "You really think that I'd kiss a human that I don't like."

"You kissed me when we made a deal and you didn't know me yet." Sam started to feel really uncomfortable at Lucifer's words; his skin started to itch and it felt too tight for his body.

"Uhm. You were the first human I made a deal with since I came out from the Cage a few decades ago." Sam tensed when Lucifer's hand brushed his cheek, but he didn't move his hand, waiting there until Sam relaxed.

"So what? Are you going to tell me that I'm especial or something?" Sam snapped.

"No. You're a normal human, Sam." He said moving a finger towards Sam's lower lip. "I was bored the day you summoned a demon and because of that I decided to see what was happening when I heard my name in a deal." Lucifer leaned close. "You were a wreck; I accepted because I liked your soul."

Sam shut his eyes tightly, fist clenched. "And you want me to be your Persephone or something akin?"

"I haven't read that yet. Is about some pagan god, right?" Lucifer scrunched his nose. "I do hate pagan gods."

"They exist?" Sam's eyes flew open in surprise.

"Of course. Cockroaches, all of them. But going back to the topic, I just want to be with you, Sam, because I like you and found you interesting. I'm not promising you anything, except that I'll never lie to you, but you already know that." Sam was ready to protest some more but a hand on his mouth stopped him. "Perhaps I get bored, thing that I doubt because I really like you. Or perhaps you grow tired of me and decide to end it. Or maybe it simply doesn't work."

Lucifer moved his hand to let Sam talk and leaned on an elbow, waiting for his answer. Sam felt like it was becoming difficult for him to breathe; if he kept like that he was going to start hyperventilating. He felt a hand rubbing his back and realized that Lucifer was simply being honest; he wanted to give it a try because he liked Sam. But Sam's didn't know what he felt and Lucifer's words only added more weight to his shoulders, because he didn't know what to answer.

Even Lucifer admitted he was a wreck; Sam didn't like when someone lusted at him, but he fell for anybody that treated him as human being, he starved for that connection. And he couldn't avoid how Magdolna's words started echoing in his head.

"If you're doing this just because-" Sam snapped but he stopped when Lucifer tilted his head, there was certain confusion in his eyes.

He sighed and as he ran a hand through his hair he started to swhisper. "Having depression is not being sad all the time as most people think. Is not losing a job and crying because of it. Is not wanting to cry for every little thing."

"What it is then, Sam?" It was as if Lucifer knew the answer but wanted to hear it from Sam.

"Depressed people get worried about stupid things and kept worrying and worrying that not even after you're told otherwise you stop feeling anxious." He smiled bitterly. "Is feeling guilty at any tiny mistake. Worthless. Like you can't do anything right. Is feeling so tired and heavy that it's even hard to stand up from bed. Sometimes is feeling like you will never get better, don't seeing something good at the end. It's clinging at every tiny gesture of affection, because depressed people don't think that they deserve it, but that doesn't mean that they don't want it."

Sam looked away. "This is not my first time here, Lucifer. The first time I came and only stayed a few weeks when Ellen found out that I was cutting myself. She asked me why I wanted to die." Sam looked at Lucifer sideways. "I didn't want to. I just wanted a reminder that I was alive because I felt so numb that I couldn't feel the pain when I pinched my arm and I was scared."

"Sam-" Lucifer started talking, but Sam cut him off harshly.

"Depressed people can become attached too quickly, and they know, that's why most tried to avoid that, distancing from others because it hurts to keep wondering when that person is going to leave, when they are going to become tired of them. That's why they aren't surprised when others indeed leave, because they-" Sam took a shaky breath and ignored the itch behind his eyes. "Because we now that we're broken, because if we could we would leave ourselves."

"Even if I try to convince my doctor that I'm fine. I know that I'm not. So if you want we could try this out, but I'll think most of the time that you're doing it because of pity."

"I don't do pity, Sam." Lucifer said smoothly, stroking the back of his neck. "And seriously, you thought that I didn't know any of that? I can see your soul, I already know that you've your good and bad days. I just want to spend time with you and be with you. You don't need to act, Sam."

Sam wanted to scream _why_, but chose to let himself lean into the cold touch, sighing. "Just let me know when you grew tired of me. It's hurts less if I already know than keep wondering."

"Okay." Lucifer tucked a lock of hair behind his ear, acting as if Sam hadn't just tried to push him away a moment ago.

"So what? We're together now?" He bit his lip.

"Oh, no." Lucifer said nonchalantly; Sam's stomach flipped over in panic as he felt a lump in his throat. He opened his mouth to ask '_then what was all this_ _about_' but Lucifer held a hand to stop him. "I don't want you to be with me just because I want you to."

Sam jaw went slack, but Lucifer grabbed his chin and closed it, Sam moved away. "Not that you take all of what you want whenever you want?"

"Yes, but what's the fun if you don't want to. I want your consent to be willing, Sam." Lucifer grinned.

"You're an asshole, you know that." Sam frowned in annoyance, he wanted to keep calling him names but he heard the sound that indicated that dinner was almost over. Lucifer looked at Sam's stomach and then at the book on his bed.

"You haven't eaten, right?" Sam tried not to, but he was sure that he pouted. "Oh, petty humans and their necessities."

"Hey, you're the one who wants to be with one of them, so shut up." He stood up and started to search for his shoes.

"And just so you know you're the only one I let to call me an asshole." Lucifer said as Sam left the room.

When he saw that it was already late on a clock, he started to run, hoping that there was something left; he had to eat otherwise his doctor would have a few words with him, and maybe Lucifer too, but something tell Sam that he'd just appear some random food from thin air.

Sam stood in front of the counter and saw everything almost empty, even the man that served the food wasn't there.

"I was waiting for you; I almost go to your room." Sam looked over his shoulder and found Magdolna behind him with a tray of food.

"Is that for me?"

"Yeah, but don't tell the other nurses that I saved you food or I'll get fired." She winked and Sam could avoid the smile on his face.

"Thanks, Magdolna." He grabbed the tray of food from her hands at the same time he heard one of the head nurses call from behind.

"Is nurse Masters, boy." She stood next to him and looked at her friend. "What are you doing here?"

The old lady tried to not look angry in front of him, but Sam noticed and saw that Magdolna had too, because she looked really bad at being reprimanded and Sam couldn't help but feel guilty.

"I'll be waiting for you in the conference room." She gave a last glare at her and left, but Magdolna stayed a couple of seconds next to him, looking sheepish.

"I suppose I should call you Nurse Masters in front of others to avoid problem, right?"

"It would be better." Her lips quirked up, it always looked like she wasn't entirely smiling, but that was her way of smiling.

"Then see you later, nurse Masters."

"We're alone now, Sam. You can even call me Meg, if you want to."

"Okay Meg." She smirked and gave him a small wave before she left; leaving Sam with a tray of food and his new found appetite. He felt a little pleased, happy even as he started to eat and hoped that this emotion would last and that it won't be like drugs after the high is over.

Sam returned at his room and saw Lucifer checking the same book he was previously reading.

"You haven't told me yet why you left that day." Sam said as he settled himself next to him. "And don't tell me 'working', because-"

"It was demons." Lucifer huffed in disgust, placing the book aside. "And then my brother. I suppose that you want me to tell you everything in detail, right? I warn you that that may be long if you want to know also how me and Michael aren't tearing our heads apart."

"And don't sugar coat it too much."

"You know I will." Sam smiled and lied down; Lucifer's voice lulled him as he started stroking his hair. It was calming and nice that Lucifer treated him like always and that Sam didn't have to act like he was fine.


End file.
